Re: I could rule myself by fevriere	horus8 24.130.214.180	6-Mar-04/11:33 AM
Jumpy, and bop.
Re: a toast to the sky by tralala42001	horus8 24.130.214.180	6-Mar-04/11:36 AM
Well now we now what came first, the chicken or the egg? uranus.
regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.214.180	6-Mar-04/11:26 AM
Fuck, that's bad.
Re: Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT	nentwined 66.92.183.34	6-Mar-04/11:41 AM
Odd. The conversation makes a bit more sense of it. But odd. I think I want more about the elderly couple, their interaction with her (if they were there with her, or if they just were all sitting at the same table). How old is she? Hmm.
Re: I could rule myself by fevriere	some deleted user 81.178.202.240	6-Mar-04/12:44 PM
ouverture should be overture - oevreture isn't either, shame. 'my lungs swell with a lipstick coloured fruit' - I do not know of any arctic purple coloured fruits. Also you lungs swell with a fruit???! 'my hips whitely overflow' - your hips overflow in a whitely manner? maybe a comma after whitely. 'metamorphosing maggot' - what does a maggot metamorphose into? 'december doesn't close' how about 'life, short and inflexible/december does not close.'
Re: The Golden Rule by phbiscuit	zodiac 67.240.155.236	6-Mar-04/12:46 PM
The first line makes less than no sense. I don't just mean in its relation to the rest of the poem, although in that department it is sorely lacking. But in a pure semantic sense as well. "I would. Die for you. r Sins I lo. Veyou All." It's like a foreign language. This poem would be a lot better without it. Stick with dirty backcountry semi-primates and their confused bits of wisdom.
Re: Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT	some deleted user 81.178.202.240	6-Mar-04/12:47 PM
There are two people referring to she in this. The syntax does not always make clear which is which. Like lower jaw inside her upper jaw.
Re: Goodbye Grampa "K" by mindsigns	some deleted user 24.48.207.18	6-Mar-04/6:08 PM
it's nice
Re: Jesus Wept by coffeeangel316	some deleted user 24.48.207.18	6-Mar-04/6:12 PM
kinda funny
Re: metahaiku by ex0teric	some deleted user 81.178.201.0	7-Mar-04/5:30 AM
fi-ee-ee-e-ve fi-ee-ee-e-ve add two fi-ee-ee-e-ve
Re: I could rule myself by fevriere	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Mar-04/7:36 AM
very nice: "My touch is toxic and abundant", and I like much of the other descriptions, too. The lack of enjambment... I don't think it does much for you in this case. And I agree with half of what Zodiac says, and I'm fine with "ouverture"
Re: Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Mar-04/7:41 AM
I'm fine up to "I wretched", and you throwing a pineapple slice - that's just sad, IT. The reader ends up feeling more pity for the author. I'm fine with the prosthetic wielding lady, that is at least an interesting vignette.
Re: metahaiku by ex0teric	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Mar-04/8:14 AM
five, seven then five - do you need an abacus? I counted this thrice.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.155.169	7-Mar-04/9:17 AM
I just noticed that almost half (28) of your poems posted here are titled "ADJECTIVE NOUN" (ie, "Tarantella Lullaby", "Bonsai Girl", "Dog Days", and so on.) Actually, those aren't even ADJ-NOUN titles; they're all NOUN-NOUN. I don't think you should be allowed to do that for awhile - if merely for variety's sake.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 194.222.223.239	7-Mar-04/9:56 AM
This is quite good, but two points: 1. Do you mean "marry me?" at the end? 2. "Bimbo" is generally used to describe a woman who is attractive yet stupid. The women you're describing does in fact seem to be "less than a bimbo", since she's ugly too.
Re: I could rule myself by fevriere	some deleted user 81.178.215.121	7-Mar-04/10:13 AM
with reference to the ouverture debate, I suggest changing metamorphose to metaphormose which is far more interesting, and a none word to boot!
Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	zodiac 67.240.155.176	7-Mar-04/10:16 AM
How on earth did 'Meta-Ku' ever become a category? Nentwined, do you realise what you've done?! Congratulations on programming as a poem-form.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 64.12.96.71	7-Mar-04/10:37 AM
-feeling like a fool- and -our love is at an end-, both went pimply on me. The rest is great!
Re: “I’ll Drop You Off At The Next Corner” by Blindpoetry	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	7-Mar-04/11:06 AM
HARNESSE ALERT
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	7-Mar-04/12:23 PM
oh - wow, there's a typo too. crap.