ShaNoN+960317485
on The Ode of Human Life by ShaNoN+960317485
14 Nov 2003, 6:41 AM
Your simple hopes of glamour & fame may never come true:o)
I think you missed your mark. . .your aim should be at the people who are the hypocrites. . .and maybe we should each look at ourselves first
Good for an SHM.
Utter shit.
Pillow fight!
Fucking train wreck.
A wet firecracker in a dry turd.
dusting up the old works, its amazing how poems look after you write them- and how different they become with age.
whats also amazing? how many mistakes you see when looking back at them.
SupremeDreamer
on Something I Hope I Would Not Hear Myself Speak by Lifeboatman
14 Nov 2003, 2:30 AM
long time, no see- ive missed your works, and enjoyed this one- even though its pencrap to you.
bust seats- slightly confusing, but i understand what you mean, i hope: empty seats? (bust- adj, lacking funds?)
well anyway, heres an 8.
Aye.. the title: cliche
language used: teenage aching heart with added cliche drama.
and worst of all: you used bittersweet? i did that too once, and then smashed my face into a wall.
then you repeated it.
If your going to do mush, then atleast make it good- or close to it..
this poem would be great as a pimple. heres a 4.
SupremeDreamer
on Those weeks I slit my wrists to the Smiths by Jeremi B. Handrinos
14 Nov 2003, 2:41 AM
well, not too bad, not the best you could have done though.
Blessed with 8.
longed long- this disrupts the flow a bit, to me anyway.
its fingers- also nuked my reading flow, was sudden and i lost track of what you were saying.
overall? i like it, hope to see revisions though.
blessed with 8.
I love it. really, i do.
10.
you sound more like a bard than a bird, maybe am wrong:o)
Sorry to break this to you but you don't even have poetry.
a bit too gay for me 4
:o)
Aye Matey! Sip and Flap.
parts of this are a little prosaic, but you save the best till the last. Pulling rank on the god of vengeance, nice one.
Another TRUE poet with a real poem.