Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:04 AM
I think you mean evil octopodes. And evil is kind of overwrought for any poem let alone one ostensibly about shopping trolleys. I think the place the trolley is dumped possibly needs elucidating to give the poem place. Other than that the bones of a decent poem here. Have an -8-.
Re: 1982 County Stadium by jessicazee	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:07 AM
I like 'We might have tailgated but I thought that meant something like skitching'.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:16 AM
This is rather a peculiar vilanelle which I guess is ok. The refrain 'I do not love you if I say I do.' becomes in the body of the poem 'I do not love you' (no contingent) and 'If I say I do,' (it is because) which is totally different. As I said very peculiar which is I guess interesting.
Re: Breath by thetrev	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:38 AM
I don't know what the hell is going on here. The stuffy beige of what? How are windows unbuttoned, are they windows or shirts? How are voices sweaty? We still don't know where we are when you talk about big breaths bottles, lined up like a squadron. If the poem had a better sense of place the reader may be more inclined to explore these metaphors but as they stand they just look like gibberish. 'Their wrists are taut' the 'their' is meant to be about the students (I hope) but the students have not been mentioned since stanza 1. Verses 3-5 are a perfectly lucid poem in themself but verses 1+2 fail to impart much meaning.
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:42 AM
Why 'passed'.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:45 AM
Good poem. Factually inaccurate however because cats do not have souls.
Re: The Emperor's new clothes by thetrev	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:46 AM
How very intriguing.
Re: Worn Ruse by drnick	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:53 AM
I like the first verse. The second is rather overwrought fears, lies, depression etc. Try not no be so wise about the character. Let him act in the poem.
Re: The Sunnyside of David Uden by lukehanney	Dovina 75.82.86.162	30-Apr-07/2:49 PM
Please don't vote for yourself, especially with a 10; and do use apostrophes where grammar demands, not just where you want them. I'd give a 7, but 4 instead, to balance your 10.
Re: Castle of Pandas IV by FreeFormFixation	Dovina 75.82.86.162	30-Apr-07/2:53 PM
"awaker" doesn't cut it. And the last two verses wander off somewhere. The first 4 verses are nice.
Re: again it happnes by skaskowski	Dovina 75.82.86.162	30-Apr-07/2:59 PM
Clean up the first sentence. Quit a whimsy, dream or trip.
Re: The Editor by Dovina	drnick 24.247.112.155	30-Apr-07/3:01 PM
I didn't like the comparison in line 6, but after seeing how you developed it I changed my mind. This is very well written, but I'm not sure what you mean by "My tone is altered by such poems." How is your tone altered, and why? It just doesn't seem to fit right there. Anyways, great job!
Re: Worn Ruse by drnick	Dovina 75.82.86.162	30-Apr-07/3:03 PM
Is she "in" a worn ruse, or acting it? And if it's worn (as in seen by him before) why is he not seeing through it?
Re: Evening by Enkidu	cheese.doodles 70.52.170.201	30-Apr-07/3:13 PM
It's cute! I like.
Re: requiem for the dead generation by Prince of Void	Dovina 75.82.86.162	1-May-07/9:51 AM
A strangely familiar feeling about the now-ended cold war with Russia. Or is it over? Look at my recent poem in your name.
Re: Altitude by half.italian	Prince of Void 80.71.124.166	1-May-07/1:59 PM
Poems are made by us One of us shall see What we paint Upon the blank page That depicts what shall be unseen In the heart of meanings When the heart is pathless When no poem shall go uncommented Where poems and oceans cross each other In the horizon of poets' dreams
Re: Lustlets of longing by bharat shekhar	half.italian 76.172.249.205	5-May-07/11:18 AM
Delicious.
regarding some deleted poem...	half.italian 76.172.249.205	5-May-07/11:21 AM
Can't make the connection, but I like the thought.
regarding some deleted poem...	half.italian 76.172.249.205	5-May-07/11:26 AM
crying profusely for your loss
Re: Beetles by cheese.doodles	half.italian 76.172.249.205	5-May-07/11:30 AM
Beatles Brothers making music that ignites souls Teaching us of love, peace, and Drugs.