Shuushin
on I wish I had a friend by un_oying
12 Oct 2003, 9:59 AM
Remember, friends don't let friends use the wrong "to/two/too": 3rd stanza, "to" s/b "too".
I knew you were dead by S5. Cute; have a 6.
Awesome easy rhyming kept my attention - right up to naevete', then it kind of breaks.
Rethink that ending, if you are so inclined, and you will have something really special, I'm sure of it.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:25 AM
How sad...a poem with no comments...
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:33 AM
I always love your work!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 10:36 AM
I hardly ever like haiku, but this is fabulous!
Excellent use of the phrase "How terribly sad" to make the poeme seem sad. -10-
Ace use of "sun" to rhyme with "garden" and "bridge" to rhyme with "knowledge"!
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 12:42 PM
great poem... would you mind if i show this to some nun friends of mine? they are traditional and would love to see that someone else out there is as well. keep up the great work! you're so talented :)
it's best not to talk to one's self while writing or soemthing like this comes up
Touching - the ending is very sweet and unforced; well done.
it's the truth. america has issues. hell all of the earth has issues.
very heart-felt poem. I love how the words don't ryhme but the poems still flows.
I really enjoyed how you capitalized Certain words for emphasis in your poem. I found it mildly original, and passively Bold.
The poem is good. Reading it just made me wanna cry. It hits home for many people
Poems are words that are from our imagination, some are more towards reality and some are from a whole different planet. This poem isn't exactly true to life but it captured my attention and emotions. Good job!
I find homosexuality to be a splendid substitute to the common stink cunt. On the other hand, I found heterosexuality to be a flashy way to procreate and feel like you've really contributed something to this spinning mound of colonizing bacteria we call the human experience on earth. I think in the end, yes, I'd much rather scrape a pipe than scrape a cervex or a perneum, any day.
I think this is super super funny. LOL Full 9
Yes, that's the way it is with 'them lambs' So when they go baah? You really shouldn't be shocked... That's what they do.
An m-100 makes more of a pro harvest statement.
Such pain and woe for one so young. Tsk, what sweet lord has the world come to? Also, I enjoyed when you rhymed pain with rain. I thought, hey, now that's brash.