7.3422.

ridiculous. christian.

[_] AABB rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] About poetry-writing [x] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] Arbitrary indentation [x] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [x] Clerical errors [x] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [x] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [x] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves, unicorns, etc. [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [x] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [x] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [xxx] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [x] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc) [x] Pointedly unanswered questions [x] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [_] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [_] Sentimental [x] Author is self-obsessed [_] Thesaurophilia [_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment

Thank you for creating in me a clean heart. Poison purge my shame.

Jesus died for you.

[An extract from "Disabled Living: A hands-on guide to life without legs" by Ian Crushed] Chapter 1 - Lotion Lotion, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-ti-on: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to rest, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Ti. On. Lotionless limbs left out to dry, as life gives way to husk. Disabled glands secrete mere dust, and slowly the body roasts. I can barely engage my harness for want of lubrication. For want of that precious lacquer. For want... of lotion.

jealousy so intense, that it can go beyond self hate and drive you to end your own life making sure not even yourself can outdo you and get away with it. you know yourself well, you think, but: denial so deep can kill and leave you living to enjoy a mental universe more unpleasant than any emmy-award act you can perform crooked grin pearly whites of mock humility and seduction. your furry and cute, and you know that i know anyone with atleast half an eye will agree its obviouse, bright bonfire signal a stench foul yet addictive and amusing. like you, i once thought myself so clever unlike me, back then i knew better and came to understand, with blood dripping and scars a plenty to rember it by [oh, and here is a 7]

Profound, but somehow the last stanza is too giving? Does that make any sense?

Wait let me give you a 7, because the title is killer.

6.5663.

6.9345.

"safe and warm" swap those two to "warm and safe". Other wise i thought this poem was a 10 and should get a GQT for sure. Strong symbolism, fantastic story and realtime essence, really, really a lovely piece.

If I had a desire to emulate someone's poetry it would be yours. allow me to piss on your leg.

I followed your name from my poem to your page because I was pissed off at you for comparing me to horus. I was going to say some choice stuff about your bad poetry. Just my luck I get this one first... damn it all. it's just a good poem. I'll rate it now. (10).. If you revise it..I'll rate it again then.

that would be 4 haikus for the price of one. and you seem to have done pretty well, despite the adverse tone in the commentaries... keep it up!

and whats worse is his self pity whining like some toddler that i wish to beat silly child protection laws and the knights of respected dead farts be damned i fucking wish the bastards bullshit was self-respectfuly sealed and canned. ----- Blessed with 10, as usual horus- your eyesight is sharp and misses little or nothing.

I thought this was okay.

we are the knights who say kni IO

brilliant as the man.

I would say live to let go, before letting go turns holding on for dear life. BRILLIANT