If you don't like it, pass it on down the table.

I didn't mean to bash your best bud, but I couldn,t think of anything else to rhyme with vote.

Do you mean "whiskey"?

or at least a half a beer undrunk, unspilt, under the coffee table.

ditto

Very nice! I love your structure and imagery!

I love your wit! A great read. :)

"Eyes pulse to the beat Of books, thicker than the Torah, Dancing the tango with the Hardy - Weinberg theorem." Great word play. Hmmm..nice ending. :o

I have to agree with nentwined, before you post a poem, read it aloud to yourself. You will find that the flow doesn't exist. Just read it to yourself and try again.

La parte che ha tradotto correttamente era bella. L'ultima linea avete detto, "Sapete that urlano for you". Elaborereste su questa linea?

it's too bad you descend so completely into cliche. you have something. you just don't really expore it. too bad.

It seems like you are trying social commentary, but it leaves me wondering if your narrator has a problem with the system the way it is? If your narrator does have a problem with him/herself living in the housing projects while athletes/rappers live in mansions, why would your narrator continue to "pay" for those celebrities' lifestyles? Just a thought.

What happened? You seemed so happy.

Here,s a 0 for the bitch in a tree For all the 0's she's given me I don't care for her her shit I have to say But when giving her 0's I don't go out of my way But now I'm playing the game she plays. She looks at the best of the poems here Then hands me 0's like she has no fear. It's not the content or the rhythm that gets her bent Or maybe it is How the FUCK would we know if she doesn't leave a comment. But that's just like our friend To leave the worst possible vote Like the poem could be written by her sex partner the goat.

I have to agree with EAger. Well, mostly. I'm not sure I'd really want to see a well-considered, artistic, [yadda]... but this isn't it in any case. first thing to work on, in my opinion, would be the flow/cadence/rhythm. Really, for starters, count the syllables. adjust accordingly. I'd also either stick with a set rhyme pattern, or not--some of the ends are halfrhymes, some not rhymes, some... eh. (you're pretty good at rhymind b and d, but the rest are awkwardly not one or the other). to work on the content itself... that just takes time/experience/practice/trying, I think.

You have a very natural style that is fun to read. Something about the basic stucture of each stanza as being simply a well-composed sentence. I try to work that way but, I always feel like there's just too much to say. Hence the collection of bloated poems I've amassed since joining the "ranks".

I have a poem about a 89 year old client of mine who lives in an assisted living home, but you did such a good job of showing us this place and telling a story that I dare not post mine. Excellent. 10

Fantastic. Heh, Father Ted. On a more serious note, Darling, I missed you! Let's never be apart again!

You know I love it. I ate nigh-on half of that pie...

"Booo, I'm so tormented!" Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, grow up. Wash your face while you're at it, too.