horus8
on Concieted Checkmate. by LuckyJoe
11 Aug 2003, 7:57 PM
Yes, and castles gallop very well. You are a sod, and a cad.
"I'm a 20 year old gay college student in San Francisco. Nuff said. = )" I believe that there's never enough to say about that personally.
10!
sp. "upon" Line 9
This poem made me cum.
Yes, it's the "foil age" alright. Just keep smoking yours.
Your baby needs to bite off your fat bitch nipple. Pear assed hacks.
I dig this type of thing. Particularly like "ANDRETURNTOWORK" and "...dine on Pluto."
I'll keep an eye out for more of yours.
EAger to Offend
on (getting used to spending too much time with myself) by Patsy
11 Aug 2003, 10:24 PM
Maybe it's finally enough...
That first line kicks anus!
I appreciate the concept more than the execution. Up until "How did I live it," works well enough for an introduction. The body of it seems to lack spice.
Although I do like "discovering my powers."
The last one is my favourite.
"But who lie beyond his grasp" Change 'who' to 'that'. And make your last line better and more concrete and abstract.
Fantastic. You are missed. I saw Markie the other day. With Marie. Ahhh..the hotties. Fraser finally went for those blood tests the other day. My nemesis remains the same as always.
"from your lips" of your lips. The rest he will consider trite and unmoving unfortunately. Since he's lipless.
Some very good lines here.
"absentmindedly holding my breath"
Was my fave. I often do that, especially for some reason when I'm writing.
"in to" into. Good title and nice 465.
mmmm..yaw.
how about a jump?
Yes, surely and what pearls to lose at that aye?