Rodavlas
on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 9:03 AM
good-8
Very good indeed.
I don't understand this one. Too obscure by far.
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
A good idea disappointly executed
Wow. Great imagery. A well-deserved 9, my boy.
Your poems make me think of the lonely kid who shows everyone the scars on his wrists. It's all too obvious, like being hit in the face with a blast of teenage angst. Things will get better when you grow up.
No unity whatsoever. A big mess.
I stand by my previous comment. Also, if foot steps is plural there should be no s on the end of echo. Risking your wrath, might I suggest removing the "of" before "aluminum cans"? Otherwise this is well done and rare at the same time.
9 ifI may.
Survivalling on is nice. No, it's right. I'd not edit this anymore as it seems to be sensibly nonsensicle. 9
pardon, where are you anyway
A few typos here and there.
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
This is very Yoda-like. I don't think I believe I word of it.
like it, especially the first verse. I get searched less than I used to after I shaved my adolescent moustache.
set off an alarm today though, commandeered by some george michael alike security guard (must have been in it for the uniform) I had to laugh