SupremeDreamer
on The Umpteenth Home by EAger to Offend
14 Jul 2003, 11:08 PM
Solid piece. 8.
quite like the occult/religeous wordlplay. The end seems a bit obscure to me though
overall good
I have to say, without the background info I was a bit baffled, but the last line rocks - a reference to their seemingly impossible flight?
Sid isn't a bastard, bereft of innocence and idealism he has embraced pragmatism. This happens in old age.
oh yeh and poem is good too
BILL!! do not tickle these deities!! the are violent, and virulent.
drop the great; embrace the mundane. you will love me for it.
x, z
this is the ttle of a bob dylan song.
what do youwant from us, when you give less than we expect? the naming is everything.
Its definately my type of coffee... black and bitter, sugar cubes dissolved in destructive fury, its knife the blade of a water fountain. 9
Blessed with 9.
Bravo! 10
Amen, Amen... thou art blessed with 10.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
14 Jul 2003, 11:45 PM
Nice work! 8.
nice fast flow and good word selection. I prefer verses 2 and three, the first uses surfaces that appear quite decadent
some nice lines 'pension for your chore' etc but rather a lot of plain narrative to tell the story. Much to commend though
Very effective write, its peacefullness conveyed excellently.
"Your own body slowly tearing down every defence."
Defense.
Like the theme, but the dance bit seems over done, plus this needs a face lift. it doesn't make me feet shuffle in quick irish foot taps.. blessed with 7
Hey Z! Glad you're ok! Did you see yourself when you wrote this? You should have. Sorry to hear Africa wasn't quite. But you went! Kudos! Now why this isn't getting better scores is beyond me. Even without the helicopter info, it's all there. Gotta run. Kisses! kisses!
Sid is such a bastard. 8 shall be thy blessing.
Sheer genius, 10