Very easy read, I like it.

Ouch. All the comma, periods, quotes and other marks, hurt my eyes, and the simple Why Why, questioning mentallity, aren't really working out to well for you. Not to mention that its really hard to follow what your saying. I'd vote but I'm in too good a mood to give this a zero. Try rewriting it. There is a hint of depth as to whom its written to but be more specfic. Your poem needs to be either more vague(so that it can be applied to anyone) or more detailed(so that it doesn't leave your reader shaking their head going "wtf", and I don't mean in the good way either).

I really like the simple and homely feel of this poem. The childlike language and old-fashioned honesty are emphasised by the clever use of repetition to get the point across. Although I cannot share the sentiments, as my own "dad" never taught me anything, on account of being incarcerated half the fucking time, I do applaud your efforts. Please continue to produce more of these tear-jerking pieces.

you shouldn't veer from your rhyme schem as in verse 4 it is off putting. quite vague really and not anchored to anything the first verse sets the intention well and I like the half-rhyme years and scars though

I would call it "Craft's Service" and try not to hang out there through the course of the shoot. (movie lingo)

Wow. I understand it, and yet I don't. Confusing to say the least, but I'm quite impressed. -10-

I love the Idea of Ants carrying some one completely off. -9-

LMMFAO. -10-. Whats sad is I was just playing that game 2 hours ago as Lei Wulong. Little did I know I Lost to Mr. Pig. LOL.

The best vilanelle I have ever read(which true isn't many but eh?)!!!! -10-.

I like the way you gently tap on the emotional heart string here. Very nice poem. -8-

Please lie and tell me you put no effort into this(cause I already belive you). Its too short and reads very dry. Read the Queen and the Locksmith by Jeremi B. Handrinos. Same Idea(sorta, I think but its hard to tell with Horus8), much better done.

Very thought provoking. -9-. Even though you ryhmed zen with pen.

Hmmm... Right. Did, I miss something? Is somebody reaching out of their depth here to make a piss poor shot at being clever and witty, when they really don't have much to say? Cause it feels like it.

Satire, Sarcasism, being a smart ass. Whatever you call it None do it better than you(well actually some do but we'll let this be your moment, Okay?). -9-

Indeed. Well said. A story well told, as only a slightly seasoned truth can be. -10-

When you fuck up a haiku, they roll out the red carpet. Great Christ in Saucer, abandon ship, he's never seeen an abacus.

JASON I THINK I LOVE YOU

Just a critique.

I hear ya

I know you can't explain the trapped feeling. But please try this poem doesn't seem to speak. It is just a few sentences strung together