The boy who told you you almost gave him an orgasm by kissing his neck was lying, and you are a fool for believing him.

I hope this gets the recognition you deserve here for this adventurous piece. I see where you could have been inspired about this after reading Corinthians 14:2,9, lots of fun in this to be found, hellenic culture, doctrines and I am trying to study this to find the connections I think your writing about. Cant really vote till its absorbed. Polished balls though for finding such a subject, nice one

Enjoyed reading, it touched me.

not much shape to it, reads like a rough draft but its got potential

its not that bad, but it could be better the end is teen magazine style

Some pretty good writing in here surrounded by obvious influences that take the voice from your own. Find out who you are in this piece and make it work. A thoughtful rewrite would clean things up.

You swear fucking more than Mamet. the last one takes the cake. Can't say I am all that fond of the others. But what the fuck, eh.

I hope you will take this the right way. I want to make a comment that is tricky, because maybe this is based on real life and maybe the friend you forgave really did die. BUT...it has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with the poem. It's like we're going along and you're setting us up for an emotional payoff and then the payoff is accidentally the last line from a completely different poem. It renders the preceding poem meaningless and absurd. You could fix this really easily, and keep the personal meaning for yourself, by saying something like "The day an enemy died" (that's a cheesy line, but I don't mean to write it for you just suggest a principle) Do you understand what I mean? The poem is about forgiveness, not death, irregardless of whether your friend in real life died.

line 3 very clever, america is eaten by greed, finger licking good connection of freedom, really kicks the ass of irony so hard it pukes from the mouth. Last stanza is it needed? 8

I was salivating like Homer Simpson over a can of Duff reading this, loved all of it but the last bits to sickly, please remove it, all you wanna go for is sensual and you sold it to me. Love to meet you pissed. 8

I went to a memorial in france, 4 big walls 100 feet high with over 10,000 names etched in to the wall. Your Haiku is simple yes, but it says a lot and is moving 7

I would suggest the following changes: "Another Dull Moment" --> " " "Another boring moment" --> " " "I search these desolate streets for signs of life" --> " " "I am overcome with calamity and strife" --> " " "Plagued by this earthly mindset" --> " " "The world is plotting against me" --> " " "Day and night it plans my demise" --> " " "My eyes are dimming" --> " " "The light in this place has long since faded" --> " " "I choke on the dark" --> " " "As slowly I am suffocated" --> " " "I turn my eyes" --> " " "As I take my last breath" --> " " "I see your face" --> " " "And I am in wonder at your beauty" --> " " "So perfect so picturesque" --> " " "You take your hand in mine" --> " " "No longer do I look for a sign" --> " " "No longer do I search for a reason" --> " " "The vail is lifted" --> " " "I stand up and slowly look around" --> " " "The light comes" --> " " "And I slowly understand" --> " " "Why I?ve wasted all this time" --> " " "Why I?ve wasted all these years" --> " " "Why I?ve thrown away these moments" --> " " "Why I?ve used up all tears" --> " " " Time has come" --> " " "And time has gone" --> " " "But you stand here" --> " " "My longing heart has found no answers to speak of" --> " " "No longer must I search for reason" --> " " "I have found it in you" --> " "

I could go through this and tell you point by point why this is awful. Do you want that? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE TROUBLE? BECAUSE I'LL PEEL YOU A TROUBLE SPUD IF YOU WANT IT

I like the way you add ethnicity and authenticity to your words by abbreviating them!!!! 10!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I think what you've done here is confused "poetry" with "a series of uneventful anecdotes about childhood". A good try though! 10!!!

God's test is the GCSE Religious Studies examination. I got a C even though I didn't revise! Clever or what!?!?!

the song remains the same, migster.

It's 'it's'. It's 'Jesu'. It's a pile of toss.

pro