poemwanker
on Few Words by Tom Colebrooke
16 Feb 2003, 12:16 AM
This is bloody brilliant!
you think that works? Try naring your asshole.
did you know that whales can harden the oil in their flesh for extra weight in order to dive deep. they also collapse their own lungs. try it.
your bio sounds tempting, but i fear your creame too bitter and at such a fare age... what is this dire age of man (and woman sometimes) coming to? TELL ME SWEET LORD LEST I COLLAPSE UNDER THE SHEER WEIGHT OF IT ALL... well accompanied by the fact that i'm cross eyed and weigh in at about 283 lbs. Pardon me... my half of a chicken two large pizzas, and six pack of bud (light of course) just arrived... fucking pink dot... i'm a lucky guy, see ya.
Its actually Caducus, Ranger this is quite a mature piece, I love all the lines except the 1000 winds, four winds is ok, try and find out the name for the most desructive wind is, as this is all about destruction. The end line should be simply this...dozens of sympathy cards, but condolences ring hollow.
something like that, but in your words. I'm giving a 9 here and be encouraged this I respect more than your other stuff.
awesome, I got no beef sorry pork with this at all. 10
Neat work, and you've got possibly the best username on this site!
God might be dead, but so is Neitzsche. Hell yeah.
Too long to be a haiku but the images are good.
howl!
bravo.
wow, wow, wow, ---this is quality man
good use of shakespearian rhythm
According to dictionary.com you misspelled your second word in line 2.
I feel like I've read this before
lol. yeah. word.
DROW! <smack> a shot rings out * bang, my pants drop to the floor... keanu reaves winks at me, and says, thanks for the champagne... dude" but i know not where i'm at, and i smell like the after shaved old spicy ness of a ..GAYE... politician. and i have a new tattoo that says luke skywalker is dead..i panic and bolt for the elevator, but as i reach it, it spontaneously implodes into a fgemine gas that then turns into my mother and i'm now holding a skull and dressed in shakespearian tightes... i have soft bulbous tears fallingg from my shifty eyes and peach lipstick on.. i am in love ...with the devil...and his name is................. peter pan peanut butter, peanutty.
hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! chirpe.
quick cure... warm beer, cold shower. saxophone. shoe be do be do
<brought to you by 'Valentines day' just another way to fuck with your poverty complex>
I like the poem-although perhaps you could try to structure it 4,3,2,1-put a line in after "Loneliness..." and have "And I..." on its own at the end.
Or maybe not. Nice poem anyway
Have you ever considered that the purple and red fire might be iodine in your cooker? If so you deserve all the sandwiches you get.
There are some great lines in here, but too much unnecessary description of feeling (as god'swife says). I can see that you'll make a good writer or poet if you try. This deserves a 7, ideas and images are there, they just need to be selected and emphasised more (yeah, I know, emotion's a bastard to get down onto paper, I can't do it very well. Actually I can't write poetry very well. Oh well.)
A Vilanelle in the top 15, the only one congrats amigo. Loved the last stanza in particular dance with this fat lady.......8