Caducus
on some deleted poem
11 Feb 2003, 9:39 AM
inspirational , nice re-write -10
After a jolly good read, I initially thought this poeme was about a small bean regarder. Was that the intention? Or is it more to do with the tectonic plates that underpin society, having shifted culturally, socially and politically in the previous few years?
For Christ's sake, marvelis! Why must you turn everything you touch into some sort of sordid cesspool for the unemployed? Ace poeme by the way! 10/10!
:'( Beautiful...I truley love it, 10. If I may ask this is from experence?
Play up the age theme and strengthen the human connection. Quite good.
The only thing concrete about this, is that it's not.
A chia-pet, that talks. true entertainment chi ching.
You need to condense the points you are making because the irony you evoke in this poem is very apt. Catherine Zeta Jones in the outback of nicaragua would be a just sentence, liked the point you so nearly made in this _____7
Although new to this site I have read this one before and see you have changed it. This piece now has more clarity and it ends on a note of touching epiphany.
Please accept a 10 Miss.
Guilt is a double edged sword my freind, remember that that the feeling of guilt comes after doing something full of joy, freedom or just sheer guttural animal instinct.
If you didn't feel it then you are nothing.
does famring coffee beans for coffee beans make sense though? thats what is bugging me on an otherwise fine piece?
does famring coffee beans for coffee beans make sense though? thats what is bugging me on an otherwise fine piece?
A very somber piece. I think it fine except for maybe a couple spots. I don't think you want to use the word boulder in the fourth stanza and also the rhyme between edge and cage just doesn't work. But a pretty decent work nonetheless.
I can kind of itentify here !
Oh i liked this one. Dead dog walking !!!!!
otaku hahahaa
Also, limericks whose first line ends in the same word as the last are ace. go go gadget lear
This is one of your more angry pieces, i have awaoke to smell your nicaraguan coffee beans and the aroma will linger for quite some time. Liked where you were going with this,but leave Zeta Jones out of it ....HELLO ! -9
too much said in a generic narrative here, try avaoiding the obvious descriptions of lament. However keep on trying, writing is a friend of solace >5
thought this was very good the last stanza says it all >>>>9, shorten the middle if you can sir.