<~>
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 8:44 AM
too obvious. good thought, but work it a little deeper. and lose about 6 of the somes.
gooooood 9
I apologise for breaking into such a bad song earlier. And all the typos while I did so.
nice...8
J.D. Salinger.
a particular monarch-type-lady was famous for her insatiable appetities.
she had a sling built for her favorite stud. yep, horse. it has even been rumored that she died when the sling broke:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_
Yes, Manifest Destiny. Its all ours
because we say so. Slaughter the
Indians and fight the Spanish and
it's all OK because we say so. And
I fear Bush has the same thoughts,
just the country has changed. A
solid 9 for causing me to think.
It's all OK because we say so.
What is the "it?" It can be anything the heart desires or that
which we are most afraid of..or unsure of or..the answer we seek but know we will never find but strive for..simply because there's not a hell of a lot of options. I liked the mood of this and the last stanza is perfect. Different
and a poem to ponder.
Very atmospheric. As ever, about the gap between reality and perception - or, to use Kantian terms, noumenon and phonemenon. Also, the last line reminds of a song by Half Man Half Biscuit called 'The Light at the End of the Tunnel is the Light of an Oncoming Train'. And anything that reminds me of the mighty merseyside combo must be good!
And I said what about Brekfast at Tiffanies?
And you said I think I remember the film
And then you said well we both kinds of liked it
And I said well that's one thing we got
very nice indeed.
this is the weakest point:
~
A tempter who could speak
without debate,
his opinions most convincingly.
How he would talk--on and on
incessantly,
~
ironically, the language is not convincing.
i particularly like the way you begin this poem--as though your mask is a stranger. it does feel that way, at times. remember that you are the fabricator and the fabricatee.
perhaps old age, and wisdom help us meld the two.
i will not rank until you convince me. nice effort.
This is great. How could it be
rated a 5? Very zen like in the
telling and I loved the ending.
I didn't know Maya had a mom but
the comparison is right on. I
really must atone for scribbling
on the new wallpaper in the
kitchen...with a black crayon!
Sorry, mom. A nine.
DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME THINK OF THE BROTHERS GIBB AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR!!!
(shadow dancin', bay-bee you do it right...) (eat your heart out, nicholas jones!!!)
Seems kind of mundane for a haiku
but perhaps I am missing something.
Still, not bad and better than a
four. Hell, thinking about it,
everything is mundane to a greater
or lesser degree.
Odd. I can't think of anything else to say. just Odd. for that, you get a 9.
Simple, devoid of all angsty feeling. Wonderfully refreshheing after a slew of bitter, cynical, arrogant pity parties that some people try to call "poetry"
Somebody's been watching a bit too much porn. 'Unscathed boudoir' is dreadfully out of place.
this is nicer than a little blue box tied up with a crisp white ribbon.
Oh wow! That's so funny! Really it is!