wOrnella Mutiw
on Remember by NinjaPoet
22 Jan 2003, 12:56 AM
ahhhhhhh....sweet childhood memories...simple and to the point....8
oops ... I meant to say "that last 'line'", not "night" ... you get my drift
Awwwwww. Sweet. Have you run out and fallen in love. Paxil is the secret to success
No frills, striaght-forward, "rough," if you will. I couldn't pull it off, however you did it amazingly.
You're a laxative
to my constipation
I'm bloated
while you're gone
with relentless filth
and unbroken wind
fermenting
within my bowels
Good work, my favorite of what I have read of yours. I like where you put "the phone rings" line, it does a good job of both dividing and connecting your thoughts.
NYC girls are the best...here's a 9
I wrote a paper on Dr. K when I was a frosh in college. HIs image kinda stuck with me too. Nice contrast between the attention getting reference to the Dr. and the oh-so familiar "bright light." Subtly ironic.
A poem that deserves to be overly angsty, and yet you resist. I have a lot of respect for that. I give you extra points just for being real.
Fantastic. All the spoons in my house are dirty and in the kitchen sink, but they dance for you, good sir.
As you've been told before, never forget Verlaine's words -- 'One says sodoMITE, Your Honour'. The last two lines of the penultimate stanza don't work.
"along the bank's weathered jaw" ... that was definitley the clincher. Beautiful imagery.
Not getting an sense og what you're feeling. But, then again, that could just be me. Still love the imagery: balancing lamp on umpacked boxes
Haunting. Reminds me a little of a little of a Third Eye Blind lyric: I couldn't define what you're getting at, but I definitely feel you.
Love this. However, I think the "yearning souls" take you away from your point. Unless I am all wrong, and that is exactly the point you're trying to make, sneaky you :)
As you can see some people enjoy my work...Thanks!
Doctor, doctor keep him alive. would work better with"".
who shot/ would look great with a has inbetween them, otherwise a lovely piece.
Good but could use a more lovable protagonist.
you got it all!!....definitely a 10
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999
This poem was only a 7 or 8 for me until that last night. You really changed the tone with that line. You see your own indulgent angst, and you connect with the reader on that note. I agree, you know exactly wo you are.
Give it up.
Well, that's unfortunate. perhaps you should always carry a Lady Gilette and some shaving cream in case of such emergencies.
Nice play on words/images with the sqaure and triangle