Ranger
on some deleted poem
29 Dec 2002, 5:49 AM
*sniff* Beautiful...
Does this mean -={Dark_Angel}=- is never coming back?
Fan bloody tastic. 10
You forgot to mention what your preoccupation with me and me genitals wait I'm not mentioned in this one sorry. You get a 3 for not being clear on who's shaft it is. That's really important.
I love how you contextualize/justify your poetry in the comments section.
Something in the first few lines in the last stanza, sounds corny. I little to formal or something. Where have you been?
After reading this I begin to imagine you are decieving me. Maybe you are someone else, pulling my leg. "Were the sun does not shine" means up your ass were I come from.
My crotch is a dark and evil place! i forbid ne of you to visit it! ass for it being up some strangers ass, ur completly and utterly correct! How did u ever discover this?
and hey come on, we were all 15 once! PSMA
Liked the last two lines, not sure about the mole.7.
Second stanza struggled more than the first "later":"elevator", dodgy? Sounds more like a song lyric? Suggest a bit of pruning/tightening. .6.
Only "competant", by your standards. .7. (Again on "your" scale). "washed colors (sic) from May" particulary effective. Please watch the typos "colour" has a "u" in it. ;)
Pleasant enough, but could do with a bit more "zing". Perhaps you could tell us more about this character? .6.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on Excommunication by inch of candle - Jesus wants me for a bum ream. An narrative in so many verses that madam palms readings have been savarlay curtailed by ==Doylum
29 Dec 2002, 7:24 AM
Did you know that Noah took a vine with him on the ark. When the floods subsided, he planted a vineyard and drank of the wine and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, one of Noah's sons, saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brothers with delight! His brothers returned to the tent with a garment and covered Noah with their faces turned so that they would not see their father's nudity. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what Ham had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan, Son of Ham; a server of servants shall he be unto his brethren!
wow
Do you have a crouching tiger in your living room? The nature of "the connection" is that you find it with the right person, right? Otherwise it wouldn't be there? Does *who* you find it with matter if it can only be found with the right person?
Where the sun does not shine implies that you find it in his crotch.
This isn't really a poem so much as a list of personal proverbs.
Did you throw him in the can and close the lid?
semper ubi sub ubit