god'swife
on DESERVING NOTHING MORE THAN LONLYNESS by LETO
20 Dec 2002, 9:11 AM
Fixing the grammer and the typos would be like giving Quasimoto hearing-aids. He'd be better off, but still very very ugly.
NICE
THIS IS GOOD. 7
The worse thing to eat with nuts has to be cheese.
god that was disgusting i apologize -DOCCCCCC !
Very good imagery, a powerful poem,
I don't like "cerulean" it sounds a bit hackneyed,
and "good to the last drop" doesn't seem to fit, but I like it a lot.
your so intelligent to call this fragment, because it is? pretty though, my problem with poetry like this is that it doesn't lose anything to gain anything...it doesn't take any chances..it's what i would term 'safe' poetry. In other words it wont change the world, but maybe a fragment of the world like the ivory coast? also, because it is missing that last rhyming stanza to push it over the top, you will continue to not get tens, but nines christof. i'm sure some schmuch will come along and be like omg and give it a ten within the next ten minutes, but i feel robbed..totally second placed..wich isn't necessarily bad all the time. i guess.
we are apes in our caves.
Cuz the 'real' secrets of men we'll take to our graves.r
Great job censoring your comments! Afterall, it is far better to delete the truth than to face up to it.
"On that day many will say to Me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your Name, and cast out demons in Your Name, and do many mighty works in Your Name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you evildoers.'" - Jesu
Very nice. All the more meaningful to me since mine has moved back in. :) Merry Christmas Caducus -9-
Like a methsulah, if i could be a tree it would be a palm tree on a nudist beach. This was simple, aeroplane poetry but i liked it a lot. -7-
Actually it does,G. I try to write whole things as they come to mind,then think and return. Or ask someones opinion. Poetandknowit is right about tinking things through.I haven't written anything new in a while(haulin ass)(and cars too)But this I think is a better way to go about things. Scribble like mad. Then discriminate. I sense 2 possibilities in your scratch. I'm doing req. Anything that you might remember from my archives I will repost before xmas. Pick.
Like a methsulah, if i could be a tree it would be a palm tree on a nudist beach. This was simple, aeroplane poetry but i liked it a lot. -7-
an interesting poem, the mixture of the two sets of
imagery is repellant, brings to mind eating disorders, perhaps that was the intention of the poet, no matter a poem takes on a life of its own once it is born. Smooth blending of imagery, I don't know what to make of the, hmm, old world nature of the foods mentioned...
Reminiscent of a properly pulled guiness, deep, dark, satisfying, densely rich and tasteful. (I have to equate poetry to day to different drinks as its pub season) -8-
Happy Xmas MMOORE
Has potential, but still very young. I'm glad to see you writing more personally, keep reeling it in.
THIS CRACKED ME UP YOUR MAD GIVING AWAY OUR SECRETS
This is it. This is the key that will unlock it for you. Go backt o this and paint the picture. Tell me about the day your dad taught how to ride. I want to know every detail, as much as you can remember. Go back there again and again. If you can use his words his language, how did he fix you? What would he say to you? Also try making your points less casually, for example the last four lines in the last stanza: January frost reveals your face- in diamond gleams.- goodnight Dad- Sweet dreams.
the use of "thier" and "spock" in the same tale is pure cutting edge "salone poetry genius". i suppose you want a zero for christmas. your wish? my command.