what's with all the vinegar, h?

I am sure this is stolen.

Beautiful.

oh. my. sex is only for procreation. don't they teach you that in bible school?

Yes, but what about those nasty hairs on your tits? What about those?

This is quite disturbing, and I really dont know how to feel about it, a true mindfucker of a poem, i cant say its bad or good but i wanna know what gods wife whats to know, do you dig bundy?

You have a talent for the structure of the language and rhyme scheme, but the stories a little thin and vague, I bet if you let your imagination go AWOL you could be promising. heres a 5, work on the subject, spice it up, not subjective or captivating enough, its like reading someones homework, but as i said you show promise

this is much better than the other one you submitted, you can tell a story, I'm a rhyme obsessive too, so if anyone tells you to abanadon it, dont be too influenced, i know its hard to rhyme,and attempt tell a coherent story with a bit of origninalty -6-

Hey devildude this is your strongest so far in this book, so in your words 'i shall rate thee highly'

why are there no comments here? and how did i miss this one? and its wilded bittersweet denouement?

a surreal embrace, one cannot just waste. hold it high and do a jig. for the bark, the tree, the fig!

jason, is it? i'll have to mark that down as evidence.i

this felt like conan pushing that wheel and making that huge rut with his little boy legs...but then cut too..arnold yes! 10.

the secomd stanza seems a bit muddled, thou it is beautiful and the last image is strong and creative, I have too try to hard to understand where you are going; in contrast to the first stanza which follows tackles the images straight-forwardly.

There is too much butterfrosting on this cake, it makes my teeth hurt. "your mind's Olympus"? Don't you think that's a little far-fetched?

I love this poem, thank you for putting this down for people to read. It's important not to forget. I think you should end this poem at Only man is the rebel arguing with the source of excistence. Make a second poem out of the rest.

Are you a serial killer? Is this a confession?

i especially like the alarm clock and memory take in this...very nice. You capture many elements, that of pain, love, suffering...and can tell that this is from the heart not some bull-shit relationship that's too high on cocaine and nicotine and fresh baked brownies. 9 for my temptress.

wonderful.

how about "W.W.M.D.?" (what would mcguyver do?)