Gordiansknot
on horus8 by sooz
6 Dec 2002, 2:01 AM
you remind me of someone????
Well they'll put blood in anything nowadays(you thought that was ketchup last night?), so don't feel too bad about those cookies.
You're almost as annoying as the real thing. well done.0
absolute rubbish
hate towards dark angel?
I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration.
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
congrats on the baby girl!
Wow! It's very hard to write a good sestina (I've tried and failed), but you've succeeded. Well done. Now, try to tackle the infamous double sestina, which is twice as long....
Here, you took an essay and chopped it up. I wrote a poem that utilised a discourse not normally considered poetic. Have you people never heard of modernism? I could try Kant. 'Kant formulated the concept / Of the categorial imperative / Which, in its second and most interesting formulation / Declares that our guiding maxim should be / to treat other persons never simply as a means / but also simultaneously as an end. / This is ofen referred to / As the Respect for Persons Formulation / It is, Kant argues, / A perfect duty / To respect the autonomy of our fellows.'
Or how about we consider these lines from the Cantos of Ezra Pound. Pound was, of course, a anti-Semite and a nazi, but a bloody good writer:
A factory
has also another aspect, which we call the financial aspect
It gives people the power to buy (wages, dividends
which are power to buy) but it is also the cause of prices
or values, financial, I mean financial values
It pays workers, and pays for material
What it pays in wages and dividends
stays fluid, as power to buy, and this power is less
than the total payments made by the factory
(as wages, dividends AND payments for raw material
(as wages, dividends AND payments for raw material
bank charges, etcetera)
and all, that is the whole, that is the total
of these is added into the total of prices
caused by that factory, any damn factory
and there is and must be therefore a clog
and the power to purchase can never
(under the present system) catch up with
prices at large,
and the light became so bright and so blindin'
in this layer of paradise
that the mind of man was bewildered.
By the way, Hobbes was a reactionary unable to believe in the goodness of man. Life doesn't have to nasty brutish and short (as opposed to this poem, which is nasty, brutish and long)
I think it's time for a poem on why Americans are frightened by left wing politics.
that is not a sonnet
a sonnet has 14 lines and 10 sylibles in a line, also the lines rhyme like this...
a
b
a
b
c
d
c
d
e
f
e
f
g
g
you see the tast two are rhyming couplets, i just thought you might like to know
This is quite a hopeful ending to the isolation of unemployment, it appeased me, dark mixed with light nicely here -8-
Now this is uninterrupted by the confusion of the incessant s, and 'Those transitory signatures' is way more descriptive, I know you dont give a f*** for votes but your geeting one (not 1 but 9) hard work but well worth the read and comprehension
third thingy, thirds line, third letter E? Although you have used to use an A instead of an E elsewhere if i recall correctly so perhaps theres some mystical reason for it. If so please beat me savaraly.
Good !
But I think stanza 2 could be improved because I wanted to know more about where the dance with the horned angels was and the mockery of purity, at least you avoided patronizing the subject, also is stand on throne not sit or is their an entendre their? -7-
this is my favorite poem ever sis. i love you. i gonna be a dad again maybe..you'll have a god daughter, maybe...where did you get the snake milking idea? cuz i never have heard you tell this story. 10. horus will be giving you big gold qu-ees on this...i ayditioned today for italian ice cream Magnum? at first i thought it was for condoms or malt liquor..haha..isn't that hilarious..i honestly didn't know it was ice cream..funny aye? my brain went from dirty harry to malt liqour but lo and behold....ice cream. who knew?d
That was exhausting. Get over it. Try some line breaks and ephedirene.
eh?
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
6 Dec 2002, 1:05 AM
jah, schintzel.Fat fetish(ahem)
as per usual