im sorry if i offend you,but this is awful. :(

This poem is horrible!!!!

amalea, please understand that i do not mean this to be mean, but you should not use words that you don't understand. you have a LOT to say. you are very fiery in your rebuttals, and part of the reason you are teased/drawn out/whatever is that you do fight back. why not write in your own words? there is much beauty to be had in everyday things, and you are young and have a fresh and optimistics eyes. write about the boys who vie for you. they entertain and flatter you. but please, don't try to write to impress. write to communicate. you are good at it, but in adopting these style which do not fit you, you do yourself a disservice. peace. z

Change the title and you have an excellent poem. You and z just spout these things!

Okay who's the guy-Christof, babbit,DA, Dolyum, Frass (ha!)- come clean when you write these kinds of poems while on the curse.

by the way, this is quite beautiful.

I'm sorry I can't comment. Your level is above mine. Ienjoy reading your work though.

Simple. Powerful. Haiku.9

Methinks it putrid; my wife's Ojibwa and I'm part Cherokee. But, something shimmers through.

"i would have drowned myself"? You write wymyn poetry, but, I like it. Can't understand it, really, but, She does.

Can't touch this...too good for my feeble mind.9

bravo rex. so nice to see you here. glad you could make it. welcome to my world. nice entrance. etc.

damn wriggling winker got away again, didn't he? the wee bastard!

lenore, i like this, but i feel like you have mixed strong metaophor in with some much weaker passages. i would like to see it hones and stronger, more like an incantation: direct and powerful, as it could well be.

i'm wondering why one would write yet another sunset poem, without a very specific something to say? i almost feel like you are asking us to live this moment for you. you lived it--you tell us what irt was like, okay?

i think you're killing us with the 'm' word. it throws the poem off for me. wouldn't 'bleeding' work as well? did you use 'menstruating' for technical correctness, or for shock? i have always found it to be an ugly, uncomfortable word, and i am very comfortable with all aspects of woman-ness. just my .02

Check this out!!! Find "Mother goose" at the library. You're looking for "a crooked sixpence" It was my favorite when I was little.I'm 35 and still can repeat it from memory. That was fun.7

patience grasshopper. must walk before run. too much sugar make for muscle spasm and bad headache.good that you try. try again.6

Not unheard of. Takes effort on both parts. Work on your descriptiveness. Good though.

S-4 Is strongest I think. Your dossier tells me you can do better.