nentwined
on some deleted poem
11 Sep 2002, 12:39 PM
meh. doesn't quite work.
:blink: whafuck? :)
nice tribute poem, but no thanks.
"and so her did I" :rofl: (lol/asl/wtf!?)
nentwined
on Our lord and saviour, the land of 60 million micks, as wonderful and noble as the pink empire. by ==Doylum
11 Sep 2002, 12:38 PM
how is this a limerick? what was it in response to?
HILARIOUS. though "hierarchy" doesn't quite fit the rhyme. it would be close to perfect if it did.
eh. not a limerick. I need to set up something to deal with these cases. If I want to look at limericks, I want to look at limericks...
when you read this, do you rhyme "glass" with "ass" with "Lass", or "glarz" with "arz" with "Larz", or...?
A 9/11 poem on 9/11 with another 9/11 poem somewhere in here written by the deevil himself. I think it rather bold to try to minimize such a hefty theme into such odd schematics. I wonder if other great tragedies like the holocaust and such went through a period where the writing was generic and over generalized before taking effect in a more personal sense and thus developing its own genre of quality (albeit depressing) literature.
Enjoyable. Excellent first two stanza's. I found the third weaker overall, I would think about cutting it. Just the last line jarred...I think the "not FAIR" exclamation sounds slightly juvenile. The poem said so much to me until then, that last line seemed to cheapen it. I find the scenario you have built, more than just... unfair...something stronger....cheated? 8.
Wow, is this an olde to GW's crow poem. You even used "cup", although I think that came from another. And another bird poem. And again, I yawn.
I can smell those herbs. "Asurety surely", trips up the tongue but makes me smile. Like you say "vibrant", that's how i find the whole piece. 8.
Oh Lord! Starts with teenage angst ends with bible references.1.Oh OK 2. It might (I hope) be ironic and I might be being slow....?
Fantastic rhythm! The repetition works perfectly for me, I didn't have to scan it twice, it felt so natural. You let your voice trail off, then stress the second "some magic", makes me feel that you don't really know exactly what the magic is (which makes it more mysterious/wonderous).
Love this piece.10.
several bits where the lines don't fit the form; rather hurts tromping through a limerick and you hit one of those bits.
nentwined
on Incidentally, you might want to look up 'Amplexus' by Shin-Bojangles
11 Sep 2002, 12:34 PM
you're right, I did want to look up amplexus. Though I have trouble seeing the girl as a frog. I like the stretch of ex-treme-ely. :)
ehh?
doesn't quite fit the form, but it's cute.
cute.