Amelia
on Putney at Low Tide by Christof
10 Sep 2002, 8:53 AM
"canoe" is correct.
Really good visceral stuff, but might read more easily if 'passed' became 'past' and if the women searched in the past tense with the cocks.
Theidea of being just a sequel is very depressing
Have you tried learning their alphabet? Daunting at first, you will recognize their patterns if you make the effort. You can teach an old dog new tricks.
I quite like this, but you seem to lose grip of your rhythms towards the end - the last line just clunks a little bit. I think it needs to be shorter.
Shouldn't it be "caonoe," (not period?) Do you need the periods?
This is indeed dreamlike. Should the 'has' in the last line be 'have'? - it refers to the lanes, doesn't it? Otherwise, this is very pretty.
I like your imagery Christof. Like Limness I would say you should put a full stop at the end of Stanza3 but then again, it's your work and your message.
Bachus you naughty boy! The last stanza gives me the impression that sunshine meant nothing to you.
As usual, graceful and gracious. And slightly medieval here - I think it's the 'kepp' that does it.
I don't exactly get the last 3 lines of S5, but otherwise this is very good. You seem to be expressing a slight fear of growing old.
I love this, love this, love this! Perfecto!
This tells the story econmically, with a very restrained tone that really underlines the tragic events - very good.
Rest assured I shall be first in line with the cleaver. This is smashing.
blah balh blah blah, slightly skewed acetic comment, blah blah blah, blah blah mysterious voting system, blah blah blah blah, what d'it get, blah blah blah blah blah, the number of licks it takes to achive a shining ring. blah blah blah blah blah
Your food metaphor works really well. the first stanza is impressively tight - think if you left it at that you'd have a good poem as well.
That's 'keep'. Sorry.
Peaceful indeed!Bravo8/10!well sure 10!like it perfectly!