huh?

I realise this is probably a 'serious' poeme, but 'using the cat and mother for his steel' is hilarious. I'm going to give this 10 because that's what all the mature people who really appreciate poetry do.

This is truly a grim image. I am sorry for your loss da.

1/134 words did i care for, and that's 'colorado'(to beautiful to hate, shit poor sense of community though)<not that any other place is any better or worse> i'm gonna go ahead and give you a 763/-009. good luck. best wishes. say hi to father candice'.

That is fucking hilarious. Talk about pin the tale on the donkey. Horus8 nails it you monotonous fuck. Having been blessed at hearing him read on numerous occasions, I can honestly say he has perfected the art of "desperation monotone" and the colored girls go "do do do" and want to take the sweet drunk of a poet home and save him from his own pathetic self. It is a tactic specifically designed to pick up women. Babbit and I would drink in a bar and he would be lost in thought and I would say to the ladies, oh and this is my friend, he is a poet and they would ohh and ahh at his aloofness. The tortured soul and kindred spirit and they were hooked. And Ben, if pretentious means way over you head, then this is definitely that type of shitty poem.

I get an honest sense of what this experience is like, but again it's all about the editing. You've really created some beautiful images: The girl crying behind her sunglasses, hands of cowards, The dead making miracles, the living, not the dead as the ultimate sufferers. Say the same line over and over in different ways, for example, hands of cowards could be cowardly hands etc. Try to avoid the overuse of prepositions and small words which don't add to what you're discribing especially of, the, and, that. Example: presence of God might sound/look better as God's presence. Or the 1st line in the second stanza might work better as ....remain in the hearts you touched.... These are just tools writers use to hone down meaning. For the majority of successful writers it takes many revisions and I mean many, before they feel their poem is finished. I like your poem. I lost my father 7 yrs ago, I miss him more every year.

While I'm sure your sorrow is both beautiful and deep, your expression of it is facile and stupefyingly dull. I might have thought that it was intentionally 'childlike', but the last verse strikes me as unintentionally shit. What are you trying to achieve here? Are you attempting to say something that mere prose couldn't say? Are you experimenting with new forms of poetic expression? Or are you just trying to make your expression of grief rhyme? Contrary to popular belief, things that rhyme aren't more true or deep than things that don't rhyme. 10/10!!!

D.A. now come on, you are satirizing your own satire; using cruelty as another expression of cruelty. Just be mean. Screw the little tots and their love poems. But you may be on to something in this poem, but let???s see how it turns out.

that's fucking blue collar brilliance p&k, you get the Bacchian swagger of the week recipe here comes the love baby (Bachus's favorite soup) Kotosoupa Avgolemono: (Greek traditional Chicken and rice soup) What you need: 1 stewing chicken, 6 c.broth, 1 c. rice, 3 eggs, seperated, juice of one lemon(my favorite aspect, <stoner short cut add lemon juice to campel's chicken noodle w/rice>), salt & pepper to taste. Boil chicken until cooked. remove chicken and let cool. boil 6 cups of broth and add one cup of rice. add salt & p to taste. When rice is cooked, lower heat to simmer. put 3 egg whites in mixing bowl and beat until stiff. then add the yolks, then add juice of one lemon slowly; beating well. then add the yolks, then add juice of one lemon slowly; beating well. then add the broth, a littla at a time, beating well, until most of the broth is used. Pour this mixture back into pot, stirring well. Pieces of chicken may now be added to soup if desired. "That all-softening overpowering knell, the tocsin of the soul-the dinner bell." Lord Byron (enjoy the recipe friend, and the poem was great and bountiful, like this soup! 9/10! t

Now god's wife, ye know us bachians can fell that tree with one whack.what's this about editing, nay! only typos never structure! who? us? chew on your ankle, this piece suffers from tacky adjective syndrome, and unfunctionable noun disease, i say unfortunately, it is beyond medical-literal-visual recovery, and should be put down 4/10!

Pfft. You've been paying too much attention to god'swife. Cruelty has nothing to do with it. It's just an amusing phrase, partly because 'mother' can be construed as being in the scope of the 'the', i.e. 'the cat and the mother'. The other reason it's funny is that the combination of cats and violence is inherently funny, at least in principle. I'm sure in reality it may be less funny.

I don't know what naughty religion you're from, but in the kingdom of Jesu, dead people don't turn into angels. I also think that you have substituted bland sentimentality for actual content. There is too much exposition and not enough evocation. But hey, that's just my opinion! I would never try to tell you what to do! Probably, I just don't understand! Have a great one! 10/10!!!

the next time some kid stands up and says" man, do we have to listen to this shit" to you babbit while your reading (in mono-toned brilliance, that only a great writer like yourself can achieve through years of listening to yourself) at the symposium, maybe you should have him come up and read it. What could happen?: 1)he is a spoken word magician and adds the flair and presence 'out loud' that this piece deserves. 2) gets glossophobic and wets himself while all of his vowels become consonantal chicken scratch...pre-race to bathroom vomit shit-fit. 3) The mighty lord jesu' comes in and turns everyone into festering lepers, and demands to read the piece to his father 'god', in heaven (with your hand still connected to the poem) which, if i'm not mistaken lies "somewhere east of here". lol! oh and Ben, you are a peckerless cad thight i would like to drees up as a french chambermaid and chase naked through my beautiful back yard gardens (run down field with news paper stuck to the chain link fences) cuz i think you have a sweet ass ben, yes, a nice tender mouse-lipped ass. carry on people!

I have not been paying any attention to god's wife (aka Ms Gloria, although I cannot call her that anymore). My point is if you change the scope of your critique so you give the illusion of being kind and cuddly to poems (and I guarantee you there are some who will take it that way) and revert into pure satire we are, in a sense, losing an element that makes this site tick. As far as this poem goes, I kept the articles in the poem and chose "cat" for a specific reason and I think you are picking up on it.

Mishy this is just way too mushy.

don't change anything it's perfect.

The working class hero. My very favorite. I'm in love with the sound of it, and I think it's so easy to relate to. Lines 10 & 11 have some kind of grammatical confusion to them but I can't pin it down.Swayed easy with my touch... Sat nights laughing crazy in the dark..... 10

I understand a correction is in order - that should be 17 games

Terrific. Sort of Carl Sandburg for the domestic violence set. Father lived in a factory is a perfect set up. I thought he was a workoholic, and then it turns out his home is an abuse factory. I love the twist of it. 10. Only change might be to replace 'the' from line 10 to 'my'.

that's really damn good.