Re: There's no point by LosT SykoPath	eliznhaz 65.246.232.101	3-May-05/2:29 PM
wow this is an excellent poem
Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	fevriere 62.254.128.7	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Yeah. Not at all bad for a topical verse.
Re: Actor by horus8	fevriere 62.254.128.7	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I didn't like the final stanza. But I DID like the first few.
Re: Next time by Billy Fights	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The second stanza rocks my world, a cliche, I know, but really, very very good. Maybe de-mystify the third stanza for us underlings, and also revise to lowercase the beginnings of lines that permit it. 9.6
Re: Just Another Poem by Damien	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I kind of love that you capitalized "Maths" and also the 3rd & 4th lines are brilliant. Suggestion: leave a space between every two rhyming lines. Not sure, but an idea. Good, I read it 3 times. 9.1.
Re: Void by darylchew	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Omit "yet the" in line 2; also the "Like" in line 5; try in the single line 8 leaving out "For". I think it you would say so much more without giving the reader obvious clues of metaphor. This is really very good. 8.9
Re: Home by Dovina	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Try omitting "Then" from stanza 2 & "Finally" from stanza 4...the auxiliary (sp?) words already give the sense of time. I read the 1st stanza aloud to myself (and sleeping cat) and it is great. 9.2.
Re: Actor by horus8	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Kill the 1st stanza (unfortunate words considering the theme) but your story which follows needs not such a intangible introduction. P.S. I've had 2 Tom Cruise dreams in the last year and does he realize his celebrity has encroached on Everyman's sleep space? weird!
Re: The O&E Remix by writeleft	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Awesome, I love this poem! Maybe the last stanza is slightly detached, but to be honest I'd be lying if I said it made any real problems. 10
Re: Actor by horus8	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
creative, I like the initial loose rhyme. 'I was hoping for a thin Val Kilmer'...certainly sir. 9
Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Neatly worked, although it seemed to suddenly shift pace in the middle of the 2nd stanza. intentional perhaps or am i being a fool? 8
Re: Next time by Billy Fights	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Im surprised you classed this as a pimple - its far better than that, and the mere utterance of said spotty poetry turns a lot of people here off. 9
Re: The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Absolutely marvellous, squire.
Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The annual Oshkosh fly-in? Just wondering.
Re: Actor by horus8	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Sorry we couldn't meet fer a minute while I was out there. Bidness is bidness, right?
Re: Dance Of Insanity by forsaken	eliznhaz 65.246.232.101	3-May-05/2:29 PM
you need to put more peoms back on
Re: Get Out Of My Life by Brittanyy	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.87.95	3-May-05/2:29 PM
"Pimple" Look up the defintion in poem types. -4- until it gets the right classification. <3 Jason
Re: Love without end by windyone	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.87.95	3-May-05/2:29 PM
"Pimple" look up the definition in the poem type. A -3- because it's painfully cliche. <3 Jason
Re: Void by darylchew	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.87.95	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The first two lines, were losing me, but by the last verse I really I was blown away. "You read me a story, of true love in a false land; but aren't we vulnerable when we're on our own?" Love that line. Enough to be a 10. <3 Jason
Re: Just Another Poem by Damien	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.87.95	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I'm a big fan of Math and Logic. However this is good stuff. -8- <3 Jason