Re: Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme	Beyond_Dreams 67.51.232.76	31-Jan-05/8:57 PM
Bravo, Bravo!!!
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 66.2.5.19	31-Jan-05/6:25 PM
Cliche seems to be your defining characteristic. It's bad when you start off a poem by stating the obvious. Zero.
Re: My concept of existence by Prince of Void	SupremeDreamer 66.2.5.19	31-Jan-05/6:31 PM
What is this amassed hubris of catch phrases and vague nonsense? An expression of chaos? Even anarchy has a hint of form, a subtle rational, a sense of direction. When will you grasp that concept?
Re: My Poison ( Vodka ) by Brittanyy	Beyond_Dreams 67.51.232.76	31-Jan-05/9:04 PM
I hate "now you lay in the flame". And whats so shamefull about hugging the toilet, i've done that a million times gotten up wiped my mouth and drank some more. I'm proud of my drinking binges!
Re: Worst Sex Ever by Brittanyy	Beyond_Dreams 67.51.232.76	31-Jan-05/9:06 PM
fucked w/out a kiss thats what you get
Re: Disable by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Luzr 216.68.192.66	1-Feb-05/12:45 AM
Loved it. I made one just for you. <3 Jason
regarding some deleted poem...	Luzr 216.68.192.66	1-Feb-05/12:47 AM
Needs to be longer and at least have something more reference able to chess. Sorry Guy. Fail. -3-
Re: Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme	Luzr 216.68.192.66	1-Feb-05/1:02 AM
mighty slam indeed. one would have to bless your words. <3 Jason -10-
Re: Depth of Illusion by Beyond_Dreams	Luzr 216.68.192.66	1-Feb-05/1:07 AM
Incredibly. Both the retort and the words of this poem.
Re: James The Dashing Pirate by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Goad 217.226.20.184	1-Feb-05/5:16 AM
This is excellent. Ending every stanza with a period hurts it. You didn't edit or work on it after writing it, did you? A little effort could tighten up the rhyming scheme. And fix "your" => you're. (this constantly slips through my fingers too, it drives me nuts)
regarding some deleted poem...	Goad 217.226.20.184	1-Feb-05/5:35 AM
I liked this quite a lot. Didn't seem too long to me at all; in fact I enjoyed all the little details. "until the airbag suggested he stop" is great. You're a geek*, aren't you? I can tell... Don't like the title -- it does relate well to the structure of the pome but unfortunately has this long history as a cliché for romantic sufferrers. got a better one? I supposed it does suffer a little from being very recognizably in that late 20th century lit journal poetry voice, but you do it so very well. *I mean geek in the ESR sense, of course, not the high school name-calling sense
Re: James The Dashing Pirate by thepinkbunnyofdoom	SupremeDreamer 66.2.5.19	31-Jan-05/6:39 PM
Rated R for language and explicit content. An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning. & Your as large as life, written to be. I'd rewrite that to: Rated R for language and explicit content-- (or ;) arrogance aside, absolutely stunning. & You're larger than life, written to be. Beautifully stunning is just redundant, and it's always good to clarify the use of a contraction ole comrade. That said, have a hearty nine.
Re: Depth of Illusion by Beyond_Dreams	Brittanyy 152.163.100.135	1-Feb-05/5:48 AM
I hate you so much that I decided to give this poem a 0..Big surprise huh?
Re: Revaluations by Beyond_Dreams	Brittanyy 152.163.100.135	1-Feb-05/6:21 AM
Maybe this poem would be better if you really knew what it was like to be a bum on the streets; But since you don't there really is no heart behind this poem, just some person writing about something they know nothing about..Oh well...Heres a 6.
regarding some deleted poem...	Goad 217.226.20.184	1-Feb-05/9:13 AM
Another fine plea from crystal for someone to fulfil her fantasy of being cooked and eaten. "Anger boils, but I am compelled to hedge, Of my heart, you will forever own a wedge. I did it again! (made cannibalism a metaphor for unrequited love)"
Re: Yes, D.A. Private Eye Guy by Luzr	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	1-Feb-05/10:58 AM
a swing and a miss.
Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	1-Feb-05/10:58 AM
2 triolets, almost - why you mess with formula, boy? Do you feel that repeating the frame of the first line in the first line of the second stanza makes up for the change in the second to last line of the first? I might go for that. Sure, why not - you're entitled to your opinion of what a triolet is. Absolutely. I like the second half of that first stanza, starting from slip. Has a nice flow and sound to it. Except I missss the logic of thisss sssound she makesss over the fields, or why, or how this adds to the "trouble" of the day. These commas - are you purposely trying to kill the flow? Espec. L3 in S2 Nice solid concept though with the early snow on an uncut field of hay. Makes sense. Then, right away, you talk more about hay. Hey. "hay-smelling" ... very evocative, btw. Does that mean it "smells like hay"? That you miss the smell of hay? Or maybe you are anthropomorphising autumn by giving it a nose. How you must miss that nose. This is the best thing you've ever written.
Re: Lullaby by Goad	Brittanyy 64.12.116.135	1-Feb-05/11:40 AM
What the...?
Re: Nina Simone (part one) by zodiac	Schrodinger's Cat 207.5.159.235	1-Feb-05/11:51 AM
Looks like you've watched "Point of No Return" a few too many times.
Re: Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer	Dovina 12.72.3.157	1-Feb-05/3:07 PM
Well, for starters, try “ask” in the first line. Nothing like bad grammar to tick off satin. The second verse (lines 2 & 3) doesn’t hold ginger ale because when a pious person comes to death, he seldom says that, but rather glorifies God. After that dismal beginning, it improves. The statements to the dead man are poignant, if futile, since he’s dead. Wait a minute, he’s alive again in the “dispirited” verse. You must mean in the afterlife. Whatever, that aggravates your cause, don’t you think? Presuming an afterlife? So here is the pious man arguing, presumably with Peter or some such Golden Gate Keeper, justifying his righteous life. But then it’s Death that laughs, so the whole thing is getting ethereal and weird. The argument continues, but it seems futile. The man is already dead and in no position to change anything. Other than that, it’s a fine fight.