Re: Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT	wilco 4.226.153.210	3-Nov-04/7:04 PM
As with the first timeI read this (quite a while back, I think), I like it.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 4.226.153.210	3-Nov-04/7:07 PM
Pretty good ed, but the fowl language thing is awful.
Re: Draw Me A Pretty Picture by cuddlytiger17	wilco 4.226.153.210	3-Nov-04/7:10 PM
If anyone else wrote this I'd probably just pas it by or write something mean, but I seem to have a soft spot in my heart for you cuddlytiger17. The reason I guess is that you keep trying and, God bless you, you're actually getting better
Re: Perfect Time of Year by wilco	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	3-Nov-04/8:13 PM
why not "leaves fall" and "air turns"?
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	3-Nov-04/8:17 PM
what? A poem about simplicity should be simple.
Re: Perfect Time of Year by wilco	richa 81.178.133.114	4-Nov-04/1:22 AM
Sounds nice. 'Different, if not for a lack of change' is a decent idea but wrong poem I think (there is change if dead leaves are falling).
Re: Grandma by Dovina	richa 81.178.133.114	4-Nov-04/1:29 AM
Not sure senses sharpen with age. Need to know more about 'common things' and 'good works'.
Re: Butterflies by Caducus	Caducus 81.130.200.189	4-Nov-04/1:32 AM
God was i just optimistic?
Re: 10.25.04 by oneglove	zodiac 212.118.14.17	4-Nov-04/5:18 AM
It's weird that you say the moon is male and sun is female. Simone de Beauvoir would be shocked into dropping her French tickler. Maybe with a hollow thud on the rug and everyone would kind of stand around pretending not to notice while she stooped quickly and maybe unashamedly to tuck it back in place because she is after all Simone de Beauvoir and if she wants to walk around with one of those clamped in her trap well she probably knows what's best for Simone de Beauvoir, doesn't she?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.14.17	4-Nov-04/5:28 AM
Here's what's wrong with this poem, the short version: 1) "another aid of a hand" doesn't make sense. 2) "seasons" ARE like something, not IS. 3) I have no idea what you're on about at the bushes part. Is it too dry for bushes or not? 4) No punctuation. 5) sunset and set don't really rhyme. 6) wind blows, not blow. 7) "as" in that line is unnecessary. 8) loam IS soil. 9) the place you're describing doesn't make much sense or seem very real. If you're talking about the Middle East, as I think you are, you should actually try taking a look at it some time. PS-I live there. 10) "From and to the blue of the cloud" is silly. 11) "as" in the next line is again unnecessary. 12) And in the next line. 13) Au pair watch children. They don't invite other comparisons, really, except to make rhymes. 14) "lost is" is better "lost are"; "living is" would better be "living are". 15) That whole stanza should be cut. 16) "play" in the last stanza should be "played" or "plays". 17) the second to last line is especially bad. Question: Are you from Decapolis.com?
Re: Grandma by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.14.17	4-Nov-04/5:32 AM
I agree with richa again. I don't think older peoples' senses are sharpened. Considering how bad things are for young people with, say, childhood arthritis, it's easy to imagine old peoples' senses are dulled somewhat to pain. Honest question: What do you think is the difference between good works and goodness of the heart? Do you think people just accidentally do good works most of the time?
Re: Perfect Time of Year by wilco	zodiac 212.118.14.17	4-Nov-04/5:38 AM
I'm suspicious of poems which do that repeated-adjective-on-its-own-line thing. Call me screwy. And I don't like the last two lines at all.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.14.17	4-Nov-04/5:44 AM
You'd be making His Holy Case better if you could actually form a sentence. And way to self-vote! Stay on this site awhile and you'll notice only the Christians self-vote. Weird, huh? But then, they HAVE already managed to make up a God, so maybe it's easy to make up that God is cool with it.
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	4-Nov-04/5:48 AM
The inner being of men souls in measure The one and only means of treasure THis is one for the all time guff files. REally. Could you explain to me what "the inner being of men souls in measure" means? what? oh, of course not.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.153.196.50	4-Nov-04/6:15 AM
Prayer of life (Other) by njuGold In weakness, in suffering, and mercy to love More spiritually, more gracefully as below and much as above Was it Me?? (Free verse) by ga_writer You were my angel sent from above, Sent here for me to shower you with my love. Angel (Free verse) by Butterfly1120 She to me is an angel. One sent from up above. Here to give, and not recieve, someone with so much love. The meaning of Love (Free verse) by The Slender Blade What is this? An angel in heaven? No, this is love, From the skies above. Child of my Buttocks (Lyric) by -=Dark_Angel=- For Jesu's legendary scorn Is pitiful, and flawed by Love. The greatest anguish from Above Song For My Soulmate (Lyric) by John K Have you ever seen to people madly in love? They've been given a gift from their God above. Forbidden Love (Ode) by crystal lane swift I know He is watching from above, Is our moment all a dream? Why must this be a forbidden love? Am I Good Enough? (Free verse) by crystal lane swift I want nothing more than for you to return my love. I write pretty lines for you about the heavens above. An Angel (Lyric) by broken_wing11 An angel walked thru the gates today Into His heavens up above An angel has been blessed She left us with her love A.E.G. (Free verse) by nowhereman How can you say you feel no love for me, I hold you so high above Goodbye (Free verse) by Sunshine Conkey Maybe someday he'll find true love Just know "sunshine" will be watching from above. Sent from Above (Free verse) by Sugarbbybuttrfly Time passed and we spoke move and soon we fell in love And in my heart I knew it was true this love was from above Essential Love (Other) by CharismaAllOver when God made you, God made love from high in heaven high above. Good Love (Free verse) by w~* ATHENA *~w what makes a good love does it come from above I Love You (Free verse) by babyBOOMER I Will Never Compromise My Love Yet Dreaming Takes Me Far Away Of a Woman Lying above lost love (Free verse) by cherish My head aches from heartaches of my lost love. Also in hopes of one day being together one day up above. Love (Sonnet) by simone_girard I do believe the lord above Created you for me to love Symbol Of Love (Sonnet) by simone_girard So they say goodbye to their symbol of love As their baby moves on to god above You Give Me Love (Free verse) by Free2Rhyme15 The brightest star shinning, in the sky above Is nothing to you the person who gives me love. love 2 (Free verse) by little_angel_maria as i've failed in all of the above, I admit by chance maybe i just fell in love Tragic Love (Sonnet) by WithoutLife A heart that can never be given away To the one I truly love, Must forever wonder astray Was it condemned from above? It's All 'Cause I Love You (Free verse) by Tigger8023 You're the perfect star in the sky above, The one I wish upon with all my love. My One True Love (Lyric) by Hooman We'll reach out to the mystery above, For we have the blessing of our fate, As you are my one and only true love. My Guardian Angel (Limerick) by ramtheman1 I know my mom's in the heavens above, Watching over us all with lots of love. My Angel (Free verse) by baby_d You have proved to be an angel, Sent from heaven above. To bring back to me, The faith I had lost in Love. The Angel at the arcade (this is actually an 'acne') (Pimple) by scitz I have fell deep in love, She’s an Angel from the sky above. LIKE AN ANGEL (Free verse) by jeremy bjelland She has lots of love, Just like an angel from above. Angel (Lyric) by mistaric You’re an angel, Sent from up above You’re an angel, You’re the one I love
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.153.196.50	4-Nov-04/6:30 AM
"God the invisibility through which gift is hail" What does that mean? "gift is hail"!? Maybe you mean "hailed". "The amplifier of a syncopated tone that moan" Yet again (and this seems to be a regular theme in your work) you fail to conjugate a verb in the third person. The line should be: "The amplifier of a syncopated tone that moans" Similarly: "through which life unfold" "the bell tolls and chime" In fact, I do believe I've spotted a pattern in your misconjugations. It's your insistance on exact rhyming. Here we see that you wanted to rhyme "hailed" with "sail", but couldn't so you changed it to "hail". Which doesn't make sense. You wanted to rhyme "moans" with "known", but because of your insistance on exact rhymes, you couldn't so changed it to "moan". You wanted to rhyme "unfolds" with "gold": ditto. And you wanted to rhyme "chimes" with "time": ditto again. In short, most of your rhymes are forced, at the expense of not making any sense. A very silly poeme indeed. -10-
Re: The Mushrooms' Song by zodiac	edpeterson 68.79.60.123	4-Nov-04/9:30 AM
I think the last line would work better in the absence of commas. I also think this is great. Mushrooms, reared in so much shit and mulch, waiting and enduring, stoic almost. Pod-monsters is a highlight
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.6.101	4-Nov-04/11:21 AM
The news you refer to is surely the election of Bush. The Stockholm Syndrome describes kidnap victims who accept their captors. The death of Godzilla then must mean the rejection (death) of Kerry. I, too, voted for Kerry, but I never felt captured by him. Was it really that strong an attraction? There’s something I’m not getting. No vote yet.
regarding some deleted poem...	IcHronit 168.28.203.194	4-Nov-04/2:09 PM
yo this poem is great and i like it.
Re: Snake (Yin) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	IcHronit 168.28.203.194	4-Nov-04/2:16 PM
I only have shells and rest is pittiful to dream about this place blah blah. whatever. this haiku is nice. but it sucks. is beautiful too. but it lacks the quality of nature. So i think is great. But really is bad and stupid.