Re: Turbulence by horus8	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.68	18-Oct-04/2:31 PM
Flashbacks of fight club.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.68	18-Oct-04/2:33 PM
Phenomenal cosmic power! itty bitty living space.
regarding some deleted poem...	horus8 24.130.62.63	18-Oct-04/12:10 PM
Interesting, but the ending sucked.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:16 PM
ummm...this isn't really a sonnet. Aren't they usually written in iambic pentameter?
Re: Damn you, Feeling. by Rollsoftoiletpaper	horus8 24.130.62.63	18-Oct-04/12:19 PM
I think it's Ironic that in this poem you perfectly described... A roll of toilet paper, that's DEEP. Now, fly the gay winged bat back to uranus. -=0=-
Re: Turbulence by horus8	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:22 PM
The first half of this really got me going...and then that kind of cop-out at the end....
Re: Another Endless Night by MacFrantic	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:27 PM
Did you write this with syllables in mind? I can't make up my mind.
Re: Zipmark'd by fevriere	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:40 PM
its not cute at all. please, put it all into normal context and it will be rated much higher.
Re: Me helping Me by ThoughtfulSoul	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:43 PM
you ripped this page right out of your diary didn't you
Re: To Leave a Trace by Dovina	Fear of Garbage 67.39.1.26	18-Oct-04/12:50 PM
Getting back to the poem...I will have to agree that this is a little bland. But it's not an insult, just criticism, so don't take it the worng way.
Re: Marlowe, Raleigh, INTRANSIT (God speaks) by INTRANSIT	Dovina 24.52.156.155	18-Oct-04/2:57 PM
This is the craziest thing I've seen you write, starting with the title. (And btw, welcome back) What on earth are you trying to say with these mushy, flowery, King James words? "and all the world and love are young"? Really! And "enjoyest thee" must surely mean 'enjoy thou.' And "steepy mountain yields" means something I'm sure. "Roses and posies" is a bit lik saying 'women and people.' Oh, yo're pulling our collective legs, aren't you? The last line is lol.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.239.106	19-Oct-04/6:07 AM
Zodiac. Thanks for the rating. I'm quite happy with the first verse but the rest is a bit crap. Thinking of using more punctuation more in the preceding verses. Keep it stop start. Horus, yep the end is pretty fluffed. It kind of amused me the idea of an unwitting 'ghost' sneeking around the barn, but I don't think I communicated it properly.
Re: You by Fire_is_cool	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/9:45 AM
The daughter is her daughter's child. On it goes. Well done.
Re: Irreversible by Caducus	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/9:49 AM
Quite good, especially, "the victim of lies became what he despised." I would omit the last 3 lines.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/11:28 AM
Comically sad.
Re: Drive on by Meler1123	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/12:12 PM
I like the driving rhythm. Too many adjectives in lines like, "Awoken by that loud rumbling sound." -> Awake to rumbles, or something simple like that.
Re: BLOBBY FUN"!** by MR Blobby	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/12:43 PM
Nursery rhyme madness. Why? They are mad enough as is.
Re: Unbalancing Act by MacFrantic	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/12:46 PM
"often crazy in the head" about sums it up.
Re: Unseen Death by Fire_is_cool	Dovina 24.52.156.155	19-Oct-04/2:18 PM
A short story with too many "then"s and commas, Not a poem.
Re: !!! by Jezabele-In-Hell	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.154.19.210	19-Oct-04/2:21 PM
This is a disastrous attempt at poetry. It is among the worst I have ever read. The subject couldn't be less original, and the way you have written about it is utterly unremarkable. Your work is completely devoid of alliteration, simile, reification or any such literary devices. It is devoid of rhyme, devoid of imagery, and devoid of punctuation. The language used is whoppingly dull, and the overriding impression it gives is one of unbelievable mindlessness. The arbitrary line breaks and use of repetition are the only things that separate this bulgingly stupid dumpling from a blob of prose. Congratulations! -10-