dunno why but i like this ... poetry,though... not so sure

cute

quite agree ... i'll give myself one too ... for the structure

Too the people who gave me 0s, would you explain to me why you gave me 0s except for Rockmage because I honestly do not care what you think since you just go around giving everyone 0s!

Wow - you're still producing this bile!

I love the imadry created in this one....very touching

a sigh and a tear...very heartfelt. Keep writing love

not comment worthy....

despite the ongoing comments by other people, I liked this it even made me go read more of your stuff....

Good poem! I know Rockmage gave you a 1, but ignore it because he gives everyone ones or zeros. He also has like another account where he gives his poems 10s! So don't think your poem is bad just because he gave you a 1!

you da senryu boss tongue stays within my own mouth crotch smells waft this way

Ok, Larry. I can call you that , right? I think i know what the problem is. It was your training. I'm betting that somewhere in grade school your teachers introduced you to poetry with childrens books and such.Innocent as it may seem (and it was), they failed to continue your education in poetry, leaving you singing "jingle bells" in a world that sings O-Tannenbaum. I think there are an incredible amount of us that had that happen. I know I did. And as such, I'm relatively "tone deaf" to poetry. The good news is, it's fixable. We just need to be reprogrammed so to speak. This isn't going to happen overnight, so be patient with yourself, the media (books), and your teachers, however they may come to you. Or at you, as may be the case occasionally. Let's get started. First, Let's talk about end-rhyme. If you read a poem out loud, ACCORDING TO THE PUNCTUATION, you'll see, or hear rather, that the rhyme almost disappears. Again, your teachers put unnecessary emphasis on the line ends, when they read. Like if every time you read a line and then banged a pot before going on to the next line, eventually you'd think that pot-banging was part of poetry. Now, Lets lighten up with sounds. Look at the ends of lines 1 and 3 in this piece of yours. Serene sunset/ human existence, kind of echo each other a bit. THAT is how I want you to reprogram yourself. No stress. Don't force the rhyme, just listen for it. No need to put it at the end of your lines either. Keep them close to each other, but let them wander a bit. Try free rhyming. This is fun. Watch El Bandolero Tell benny, you lose Kill bunny shoes Fell the low sand The sounds of the words don't have to be in the same order either. As long as there's some replay of sound, you're rhyming. It just takes practice. Forms are another animal altogether. We'll talk later about those. Hope that helps. P.S. One more thing. If you're serious about learning this art, you're going to have to like pain, and, revise revise revise. Later dude.

she died a poem and were you god ten would be the score

poor love, give him a cosolation point

ugh

god? ... god!

do you know, or do you want to know, what they are doing?

i'm sorry but your stuff is really dreadful ....

Small things. (to) in line 2 can go. and young dude. wet behind the ears implies that he's young. A little more after vlh maybe?

ahh ... yes; getting there (ps don't mind me ... i was crap at your age too)