Re: Occam's Razor by Quarton	Doug 64.12.116.140	11-Jun-04/11:49 AM
kind cool, almost clever.
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	Doug 64.12.116.140	11-Jun-04/11:55 AM
pretty good job there INTRANSIT.
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	Caducus 195.92.168.178	11-Jun-04/12:39 PM
Exquisite and bookmarked as a favourite 10
regarding some deleted poem...	Shardik 24.130.62.63	11-Jun-04/2:34 PM
Last week I had orange foam hanging out of my ass like a mud flap. This week, bon bons.
Re: A Strenuous Recollection by Doug	Shardik 24.130.62.63	11-Jun-04/2:36 PM
(fleckier)
Re: Turdzilla by Shardik	Doug 64.136.27.228	11-Jun-04/2:57 PM
Childish yet funny.I think you smoke too much weed.
Re: First Kiss by david	god'swife 4.232.69.18	11-Jun-04/12:44 PM
Nice poem. I read this aloud 5 times and it seems to me the '...fishbowl...' line doesn't belong, it takes away from the image you've created. It's a good line, but sometimes we have to toss the good ones away, or save them for some better use. I think if you end the stanza at '... years' it works better. Then begin a new stanza with 'It...'. I prefer '...a clay pot.' to '...her clay pot.'. Since you title the poem 1st Kiss don't you think '...kiss' at the end of the penultimate line works better? the last line is grammatically confusing. As written you could be saying the kisses left them with a craving for decades. Is that what you meant to say? If not try saying ...................., the kiss That left, for decades, its taste in their mouthes.
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	god'swife 4.232.108.223	11-Jun-04/1:40 PM
I love the way you've structured this. I'm so proud of you.
Re: leavetaking by daniella	impert&ent 82.36.28.139	11-Jun-04/2:18 PM
As ever, beautiful.
Re: Shamefaced by Doug	Doug 64.136.27.228	11-Jun-04/2:28 PM
How many people visit this site anyway? Like 3 a day? Could somebody critique my poem please?
regarding some deleted poem...	Shardik 24.130.62.63	11-Jun-04/2:32 PM
Splop
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	david 24.83.223.115	11-Jun-04/10:54 AM
Lyrically, I have no problem. The language is tightly-wound and it sounds good. The issue I take, though, is more typographical in nature. The enjambment of the lines and that punctuation aren't doing anything for me, and I find it a little distracting to the point where it's detracting from my enjoyment of the piece.
Re: A Wishful Way Of Life by Blindpoetry	god'swife 4.232.69.35	11-Jun-04/8:48 AM
Very interesting structure. Cold and analytical. Chose better words.
regarding some deleted poem...	god'swife 4.232.69.35	11-Jun-04/8:49 AM
Only...what?
Re: my unicorn by francis nor capule	god'swife 4.232.69.35	11-Jun-04/8:50 AM
Good gravy twice.
Re: sweet surrender by francis nor capule	god'swife 4.232.69.35	11-Jun-04/8:57 AM
How is this a poem? Are you a mental retard?
Re: KANGAROO WITH A DIDGERIDOO by Garrett S Sexton	TLRufener 24.158.7.169	11-Jun-04/9:12 AM
Nice rhyme, very cute.
Re: A Flower for Monet by Shuushin	arduinn 165.21.83.230	11-Jun-04/9:24 AM
smooth
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	11-Jun-04/10:25 AM
Bisexual Pair of Ducks (Free verse) by Jaime El-Gran-Tronchador-Chingon-Hijueputa-Jones The older We get, The more I realize We're just a couple of ducks. * * * * * * * * * * * * * Quack quack quack Quack quack Quack quack quack, Quack quack quack!
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	david 24.83.223.115	11-Jun-04/10:50 AM
Gorgeous the way it is right now. Don't change a thing.