Re: "Lovers or Friends" by jroday	blacksoul 204.215.33.244	28-Mar-05/3:55 PM
You did a rush job on writting this one pops, slow donw
Re: a comment on Plato by not_a_philosopher	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.223	28-Mar-05/1:01 PM
Such as?
Re: a comment on Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.2.220	28-Mar-05/11:19 AM
How’s that? Two for three ain’t bad.
Re: Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.38	28-Mar-05/11:10 AM
"if in your heart a melody sings and you the one in debt and part of the reason I write now" Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
Re: natural by the_poetess	luzrheroguy 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/10:35 AM
Reminds me of my own writing style a few years ago.
Re: "Lovers or Friends" by jroday	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.159.58	28-Mar-05/9:25 AM
Few typos here and there, and a nice piece but it lacks some of the finer points of craftmanship. Things this Needs A) A good title, that doesn't give away your ending, much less the entire poem. B) A better thought out meter. C) Spellcheck. D) A rewrite. Til then -5-
Re: a comment on A Second by Luzr	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.3	28-Mar-05/7:26 AM
"A second first" as in a new first glance. I fell in love with this girl at sight. "You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl", simply put, I love her. What she was to me at one time, will never be forgotten. She's the reason for my greatest high of living, and my greatest low. I'd die for a second chance to be with her. <3 Jason
Re: Plato by not_a_philosopher	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:13 AM
Plato has some very worthwhile things to say. Try reading him when you're older.
Re: Memories of a Suicidal Sophomore by CemeteryBuffsOnline	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:10 AM
Not really a poem.
Re: true love by francis nor capule	Dovina 12.72.14.79	28-Mar-05/7:07 AM
I don't know these idyllic people in "so they say." Sounds like you could wait a long time.
Re: a comment on The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest by luzrheroguy	thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.224.24.3	28-Mar-05/7:04 AM
Yeah, its me. Have no fear. My gift won't go wasted. I have youth on my side. <3 Jason
Re: A Second by Luzr	juliharrelson 64.12.116.135	27-Mar-05/8:27 PM
Well, pink bunny/luzr, Another REALLY good poem, very real, too, like you are writing in your journal or writing a letter to someone about this girl. Just a few comments: ***The words I haven't even wrote yet ***Burning brightly on my tongue VERY good imagery! This alone made me want to keep on reading. ***And then I'll spend the rest of my evening ***Dancing a tactful tip-toe ***Between polite, and real conversation ***Remembering that words are weapons ***And you never liked the smoking barrel of my tongue ***So I'll have to try and keep it unloaded This really struck me. You are so open and well articulated that I can actually "see" how you and this girl are (or were), what your relationship is like. You tend to be hard, but you are tender with this girl. ***A second first, The only part that I dind't "get" was the "a second first". What does that part mean? Overall, VERY nicely done. juli harrelson :)
Re: a comment on The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest by luzrheroguy	juliharrelson 64.12.116.195	27-Mar-05/8:15 PM
WOW! It's you! It's weird (maybe that's not the right word), but I am naturally attracted to your poetry. I didn't even know this poem was by you, but I was drawn to the poem and then drawn into the poem. I like your way of writing. (I have a confession to make --- I have been reading a lot of your poems, although I didn't vote on them. I should have.) There is a definite authenticity about how you write that is very attractive, like you are baring yourself, baring your journal for people to read, only it rhymes and it's VERY good. Anyway, I am definitely drawn to your writings, as are others. Don't stop. It's a gift...... juli harrelson :)
Re: a comment on Labeled Retarded by Beyond_Dreams	Goad 217.82.14.42	27-Mar-05/2:24 PM
Your premise is: these people are capable and worthy of love and friendship, therefore they are not retarded. Think about the presupposition of your premise. The presupposition of your premise is that retarded people AREN'T capable and worthy of love, affection, and friendship. This is bullshit. (in case you don't follow the logic: let R represent "retarded". let C represent "capable and worthy of love and friendship". You say "C implies ~R": C -> ~R ~C | ~R ~R | ~C R -> ~C C -> ~R |- R -> ~C Q.E.D. your poem presupposes that retarded people are not capable and worthy of love and friendship. But retarded people CAN love and ARE worthy of being loved. Therefore the premise of your pome is incorrect. Retarded people are labeled retarded because they are retarded. To treat them like average people -- ie, to hold them to the same standards of behaviour as ordinary people -- would be cruel and unjust. If you had a roommate who, intellectually & developmentally, was an average adult and had all the capabilities of an average adult, but behaved like a retarded person, you would kick them the fuck out. That would not be considered cruel. To demand that a retarded person be held to the same standards of social behaviour would be cruel, and unreasonable. That is the exact meaning of the label retarded: "person who through no fault of their own but because of genetic or developmental or trauma-caused anomalies is not capable of the full range of responsibilities and behaviours as the average person of their age, and should therefore not be held to the same standards for social behaviour". Attempting to tell society at large that we ought not to label an obvious condition is foolish and misguided, and if actually implemented would result in much more harm than good to the people you are trying to benefit. Your poem shows no evidence of your having thought this through. It contains some lovely imagery of your interactions with the people you worked with, spoiled by preaching about your emotional reaction to the stigma associated with the label. Instead of being, as it could be, an affirmation of the triumph of innate humanity over disability, it comes off as scolding the reader (or perhaps trying to buddy up to the reader in mutual scolding of "everybody else who does the labelling") But there are virtually no labels for identifying groupings of people that do not have a stigma in at least some other groupings of people. Therefore, your demand that this particular label be outlawed is inane. I believe this is what hendrimike means, although he is rather more succinct than I.
Re: a comment on You Pick It by durr_T_hip_E	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Mar-05/1:03 PM
Tthe god thing is, it's salvageable. Lot's of good stuff to work with. Now, about those rapp-ish parts......
Re: a comment on A good little poem by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Mar-05/12:58 PM
I think I do need bread. I'm not talkin'bout wheat, had to clarify. The possibilities might go. Got lots of new inspiration out here. Will rewrite and post as time permits. TAKE CARE YA'LL!
Re: a comment on A good little poem by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Mar-05/12:55 PM
Ok my fellow wierdsconsinite, we're boxin'! If you're imagination fell that short, it's on you. E.P. got it. Well one angle anyway. Is it only pessimism? Are you sure. We'll have abrew whence I return.
Re: a comment on A good little poem by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	27-Mar-05/12:51 PM
I do hope that is not the only pickle playing in your mind. Is it better with (yet)?
Re: a comment on The Symbol by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.7.140	27-Mar-05/7:31 AM
Redemption yes. Happy Easter.
Re: Integration by jroday	al-naafiysh 204.215.33.193	27-Mar-05/3:27 AM
NO COMMENT!!!