-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on All About Mistakes by travelingsk8er
5 Dec 2004, 12:17 PM
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, you include an utterly random chorus at the end. Nice one!!!11
Is this about chair safety? It's brilliant.
The tradegy of war... I sometimes wonder whether the real tradegy isn't war, but you, and you're appalling poemes :(
Great use of "Nope" to rhyme with "kaleidoscope"!!11
Beautiful... what colour is hope?
Make the punctuation consistant and the last two lines moire forceful. Otherwise good.
your problem is that you inferred when I said the poem used premises and conclusions, the conclusion I was talking about was the 'a compendium of evolution' one. Such an inference was not valid from my original post.
Dark_Angel said snow is green is true. Snow is green is unproven. Please re-read my post to better understand this. In my previous post I showed how argument (errantly) had been used to make the conclusion (we are in love). Jesus, why are you being so gay. I read a poem, believed its structure resembled that of an logical argument (premise, premise, conclusion) in parts and commented likewise.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Whether or not the poeme is a philosophical enquiry is not the point. Please recall your original guffhampton:
"I believe this poem relates to philosophy in the sense that it puts forward premises which it uses to make conclusions."
You claim this poeme puts forward premises which it uses to make conclusions. I claim it doesn't, and have been explaining why. Your latest dumpling has strayed from the point, and we won't get anywhere until you screw your head back on and address the point.
Furthermore, you are *especially* especially thick for not understanding the difference between:
A: Snow is green
B: I, -=Dark_Angel=-, said the words "Snow is green".
A is false. B is true: I said it just now. Please reread the previous post until you understand it.
As opposed to into Uranus?
I'm sorry but this is so ransacked with cliche,
and trite nonsense that it's practically a
zit cream commercial.
For instance:
"Rosebuds seem pale in your presence
even when wet with my tears"
Okay, what kind of fuck munch cries on a rose?
Do you normally walk into a garden and find a rose to water with your contrived tears of woe?
Your an ass.
"Emotions swell when you're near
yearning to be unfurled"
I love your language here.
Makes you sound like a black porn star
named Harry Homellete.
uhhh.no
really?? ....thats great
last line???
scary yat fascinating it gripped me the whole way through...thats good
disconnected but flowing at the same time....nice
WoW! its great
i like how each line means the same thing, and yet you make it sound so beautiful. it's a peace poem. a nice breeze :)
my opinion on your poem:
curiousity killed the cat. that's why the black cat isn't there... you keep asking questions!
ps; love this poem ; good one.
i'm not a big fan of long poems, but *your* poems are just too beautiful to miss.
Very real-sounding Chinese English voice. Too many redundant lines. Funny.