Stephen Robins
replying on The Rockets’ Song by Dovina
6 Dec 2004, 11:06 AM
I thought you liked dovina?
you must forgive Dark_Angel he does not appreciate what common stock you come from.
Yes.
Must everything be phallic?
Delightful.
"damson" as a verb?
Some unusual and interesting language, "aped by girning monkeys," "cantering blurs," which needs a comma, I think.
"there tone" should be "their tones." Right?
The last verse lacks the punctuation of the first two.
Interesting!
How can she walk away if she's on skates?
Did you mean "strick?"
Are rockets are a phallic symbol in the title?
...for war is life to us,
-not death—(Is this death necessary?}.
Yep,war is romantic until it touches you with stray bit o' metal. -9- Ask Michael Moore for the extra point to make it a ten.
Five misspelled words.
The last line is preachy and better omitted.
Before air conditioning, I always sailed port-outbound, starboard-home, preferring reality over the pretense of class. Since arriving in the New World, I have appreciated inelegant Americanisms over British attempts at sounding posh with prudish expressions like “mouth plums” and pretentiously funny nonsense like “you’re” for “your.”
you fuckin idiot! i hate you! this is Davey Havok from AFI's work, how dare you steal this! take this down now. youve got some nerve trying to pass this off as your own
deep.....real deep
this poem was a disater( jk ) very nice!
could be a bit more intruging
Thank you. And I have no idea. If I figure it out, I'll let you know. :p
You may have shocked me with dismay, but I shocked you with even more dismay in calling attention to the abysmal outcome of so many of you're poemes, urging you're use of mouth-plum language. I don't apogolize.
Thank you so much for the 10-vote of confidence and your kind words. I may have shocked you with dismay in calling attention to this abysmal outcome of so many young men, urging your use of strong language to describe both me and my poetry. I do apologize.
"not doubt"?