Doug
on I CANNOT FUCKAT2POEMS by daggatolar
10 Aug 2004, 5:49 PM
Bravo - well done.
Easy for most nature lovers to identify with, and your use of repetitions is well-received, at least by me. Looks like a lot of effort and appreciation went into this.
Have to knock you for giving your own poem a 10 though (remember, your IP is always logged whether logged in or not).
Well done though.
More visual art than poetry, especially when taken in a poetic context, but powerful nonetheless.
Touché! Reads like the warning on a side mirror though.
Aye, good cleaning up.
Also, I have a problem with "I sat in a cloud." With all of the Western imagery associated with clouds, it's difficult to put yourself in (or on) one and still have the reader believe that you are lonesome and/or depressed. Think of Zeuss, angels, and of course, Mick Jagger!
You don't need to sing or sign your name at the bottom, dagga, sir. Your dame has sighed or sung it already. Five, really?
Something to ponder for forty days and nights, inspiring.
Sounds Christian, okay if it is. Cryptic, okay too. High on wine, yep, that's me.
Too etherial for me, but some nice lines.
really nice a very good poem
I once smoked a whole kilo of 'the drug ecstasy'. Nearly blew my clarkies to chutney town. Next time someone offered me 'the drug ecstasy' I told them: NO, I DON'T USE THE HORSE.
"I would ask that comments such as the previous not be posted publicly so as not to discourage the more shy who might otherwise have something to add, but hesitate for fear of reprisal from users whom they would criticize."
There are too many negations in that sentence. May I not be disallowed from suggesting the following, less daft alternative?
"Comments such as the previous may discourage shy users from contributing."
Well put.
The faceless anonymity of the Internet, and this community specifically, provide us with the opportunity for receiving honest, unbiased, and sometimes harsh constructive criticism. I consider this a blessing and is why I come back. I would ask that comments such as the previous not be posted publicly so as not to discourage the more shy who might otherwise have something to add, but hesitate for fear of reprisal from users whom they would criticize. If you feel a need to vent, do so through poetry, that's what it's there for.
In this instance, "raver" implies an individual who attends raves. They ironically have the reputation for being over-friendly, as is one of the effects of the drug ecstasy.
When you say "fucking shoes" it implies some angst with the shod, and "no fucking raver" some reason to rave, but since you show none, the poem would be stronger without these. I can't relate poem to title without stretching my karma.
Let's hope there's more to old age than a kindly smile given to friends who's minds are as far gone as yours. Use it or lose it, like having the presence of mind to put your comment to somebody's comment right under their comment. By the way, your poem starts off well enough, I just think the ending could be a lot better.
You raving frankfurter of idiocy. For pity's sake what's your problem? This is poemeranker. A site for ranking poemes. And if you post your poemes on a site for ranking poemes, then presumably you want your poemes to be ranked? Presumably you want other people to read the work you have smeared into the public domain and give you their honest opinion of it? Isn't that what you want? No. You just want people to mindlessly praise everything you do. You grotesque urchin.