Shuushin
on Helo everybody is limerck time!! by DR Limerick
1 Jul 2004, 6:52 PM
heheh - not bad. Dual question marks are good there.
The repetition helps this, I think - but the theme is so often done that reader sympathy is difficult.
Could you not reach into the insect's mind, and see that my killing it ended all perception the insect had, however little, ended the universe as far as that insect was concerned. Of course it was only an insect, and nothing can be implied about turned tables, about life after death, about my ability to answer you after my death, or to even perceive you. Of course you could. And I knew a poet who would.
I should say not. In fact, if I were forced - at gunpoint, maybe - to say what this poem is 'about', I'd say it's about a person killing an insect, which is about the only sensible answer I can think of.
From a scientific point-of-view, every sentence in this poem is wrong.
That's not the point, you say, I'm being metaphorickal, the science doesn't matter.
If that is the case, your face is beautiful as a bum.
Yes, to some extent, sometimes, but that's not what the poem is about.
Would you say that all animals, including yourself, which believe they deserve life do, to some extent, deserve life?
I think the point you think I am making is not the point I make.
No it's not. And if it were, you would still be making the same point, only worse.
"All animals are equally deserving of life." That is my notion, you say. Nay, my good sir, all animals think they are deserving of life, except some humans. The poem is not a political statement, as I am so often praised, but a look at the universe through insect's eyes.
That's not illogical.
What's illogical is your ill-considered notion that all animals are equally deserving of life, whatever their aesthetic value, which you've already refuted by pointing out that you're drawn to save cute animals such as whales, puppies, baby seals, and young Aboriginals, but not ugly ones like insects or adult Aboriginals.
Is it not more likely that endearing animals are simply better-equipped to survive in a human-dominated world than non-endearing ones are, and that all this nonsense about saving the ugly ones not only reeks of all the worst aspects of communism, but is also a MAJOR FLOUTING OF GOD'S IRON LAWS OF NATURE???!
Evacuation harness blues.
Actually, "Whiffs" is perfect. Excursion, indeed:)
If I change "Dark Journey" to "Angelically Dark Journey," would you make it a ten?
Funny. Why the ?? at the end?
Thanks for your comments. I don't try to save insects, but, illogically, I like whales and sea turtles. It's about inate selfishness and the comedy of importance each of us assumes or must accept, or is trapped into its service.
Very clever and humorous. Original for sure. A nine
in my opinion.
How true is your observation. We tend to view the
world from a very narrow and self-centered position.
All things are inter-related and connected but this
fact is largely unconsidered. Even an insect should
be left alone if it is not bothersome. Well done.
Good advice. Thanks for the comments.
Good Title. Good ending. In the middle, you have some good lines, but the flow bogs in side issues and themes not very well connected to the main story. Not that they don't connect, I'd just work on how you connect them. Especially like, "when reality becomes fantasy and perhaps returns back to reality once again."