Shuushin
on Something's gone wrong by zodiac
21 May 2004, 3:45 AM
eh. I thik you did some wrong things in here on purpose, but its popular; generated lots of interest and votes - so 3 points for that.
I would add a,'still' after "is" in the 2nd to last line and then make it the last line. But well done
Funny
Are you still together? Or is that an appropriate question? I would cahnge "Our bodies fit that day--We fit", maybe, " Our bodies, we fit on that day. Other than that its cool.
Special
Very representative. I can relate and am entranced with the approach of this peice. Nicely done, although the repetition may be a bit much. Any how it suffices.
_Da1
Unique
Captivating and satisfying. You get a gold star for today.
DISGUSTINGLY DELICIOUS!
CLOWNIN'
Sprucing up other peoples poems I read. Well you definitely did it justice. You and Ellie should collaborate sometime... On second thought, we should coincide on a artistic production. Oh yeah tis me "Sigh'ense...", but dont tell anybody. hit me back and let me know whats the verdiction. Welcome back.
Hm...reminds me of "Ten Things I Hate About You"
Good idea, however, I'm not much on free verse unless it has a rhythm to it...that would be my advice.
-SKoP
Ohhh. K. Obsess much?
Beautiful title. I like the intrigue of the piece, although i dont like the usage of the 3rd stanza in union with the Glosa theme. But the overall structure and concept works pretty nicely, given the difficulty. Also it seemed to putter out due 2 maybe trying 2 hard towards the end, its too predictable. I think it needs a surprising climax, given that the reader( if they know the style ) knows what line will conclude. You did a great job of elaborating the founding peice and throwing a creepy twist in while you were at it. Kudos
_Da1
Expand your poetic horizons and think metaphor.
-SKoP
Anyway, your comment on the poem would be nice.
-SKoP
Zodiac is beginning to sound like the infamous J. Evans Prichard, P.H.D. and his little essay of "Understanding Poetry." The description of that was "excrement," I believe. So yeah, rip out that page.
Well, zodiac, this was my reply to that topic.
"*whispers* It's hilarious how the title of this site is "Christian" and yet we don't talk any differently than the rest of the world...shies the pity, indeed.
-SKoPwhohatesvulgarlanguage...and wonders what happened to the whole "you shall be set apart" bit."
And this was their reply to that...
"Actually the title of this site is 'Decapolis.'"
and...
"piss off eh.
and what happened to the friggin topic??
haha i mean i've seen some deviations before but **** !
yeah too bad i dont have any back stabbing whores here to pal around with...
but i gots mah beer!!"
Very sad...indeed.
-SKoP
This is a work in progress-but I wanted some feedback, thanks!
Sponge, yes, brilliant... 2.