Shuushin
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 6:44 AM
you heard it here first, folks.
btw, there's no words per line limitation in a sestina - maybe in a septina there is....
Shuushin
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 6:41 AM
take each line and make it the starting line of new stanza.
Its a lot of frickin work and you'll have to fudge the end a bit; prolly not worth it, and besides with all the repetition in this as it is (works fine here) would look like ass after the sestina gets done with it.
zodiac
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 6:36 AM
Anyway, I'd have to re-do it with a six-word line, which would be ridiculous. Solution: It's a SEPTINA.
zodiac
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 6:34 AM
I have no idea what you mean.
Shuushin
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 6:30 AM
you could glosa this and end up with a sestina - you might change the last or fourth lines so you don't have "dear" twice though.
cute - enjoyable vignette.
Haha! Good one!
MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE
[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[X] Arbitrary line breaks
[X] Clerical errors
[_] Ellipses used overabundantly
[_] Lower case only
[_] Internet shorthand / emoticons
[_] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam
[X] Devoid of rhyme
[X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc)
[X] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc)
[X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery
[X] About drugs
[_] About romantic love
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[_] About writing
[_] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart)
[_] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Concerns the author's social pastimes
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Vicarious wish fulfilment
[_] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Smugly-named protagonist
[X] Sanctimonious
[_] Untitled
[_] Gushingly religious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[X] Rage against the machine
[X] Self-obsessed
-11-
zodiac
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
15 Apr 2004, 4:42 AM
I would just like to say that it hadn't occured to me until this moment that a sestina has only 6 lines per stanza, not 7, and so the whole idea is shot. But then, for me, the question "What were you on when you wrote this?" wouldn't be strictly rhetorical.
Your parents suck blended cock milkshakes.
Salve! permities adulescentum.
Care to tell me why it is depressing?
oftherealm
on On the Discovery of Cheez Wiz/The Day I Fell Off the Earth by MacFrantic
15 Apr 2004, 12:19 AM
why not change all the s's?
Depressing, but I see the picture and shouldn't get all mommy-like on you.
some deleted user
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
14 Apr 2004, 11:00 PM
The answer is yes, er maybe, er . . ., ah forget it, have an 8.
Tara57
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
14 Apr 2004, 10:35 PM
Ah Foucalt...lovely...I do believe Dear I hold your words dear- Dear
the breath/death rhyme is cliché and expected (Other than shibboleth, seth, and elizabeth, there aren't any modern english words that rhyme with death/breath)
rather Well executed though
GOOD! One of the very few poems on PoemRanker that is actually worth reading! Shortening of the lines would make it more immediate in effect and impact
what are the two poems? the couplets being one and the septets being the other?
I usually do them as two side by side panels (but that is tough to do here):
http://www.nanoranch.com/shuushin/March%
O What whimsickal Britishy talk! Makes me want to say DO and IS with special emphasis with all the other chaps in my level. It's too bad all the real Brits on this site talk like deranged EastEnders wot bin nipped cushty inna Norff an Souff wivva Lord Lovell. But then I found out you're not British, just American, and I gave you a -5-.
Oh. Diptych as it was two poems put together, and thought and action contrasted, in some ways. But mostly for the separate narratives...