Write - write your heart out.

oh jesus.

IMHO, the 4th paragraph needs just a little work, spelling on accompanied? "proclaimed a good" also confuses me just a little.

i liked it. Is "har" supposed to be "hair"? - 10

Friendly advice to a lot of lonely fifteen-year-olds. Run a mile. Fly a kite. Swim to Catalina Island. But - Don't write poetry.

This is more a short story than a poem, and should not be posted as a poem. Others may disagree.

I don't mind the questions at the end. The whole poem is a question unanswered. It's actually very clearly stated, but for a poem I'd try for sweeter sounding prose.

You have a good theme here, just cloak it a little more and it becomes interesting.

Do not read this if you haven't yet seen the incredibly good movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, as this is almost an exact plot summary as written by an infinite number of drunken monkeys banging on infinite malfunctioning typewriters.

Kill him, then yourself.

It kept me reading though I was thinking "too much, too many words" - This theme of unrequited love/breakups is soooo done - BUT - you put a nice slant into it with some fresh ideas: "You kissed me in public. You didn't care" the "wife" angle. The trick will be to pare it down a bit without losing the sense of realism or honesty - to not make it a cathartic fabrication/built-thing. And this time, the question in the ending works pretty well. Would have more punch if there was some reference to it earlier on (but not the word music). I want to give it a nine, but I'm held back by the theme - you could very likely tweak this up to good effect.

Good. This touches something real. I'll suggest to extend it slightly so that you don't end on a question - this is not a good way to end (a difficult thing to do well).

Too simplistic; I don't buy it. The 1/begun rhyme did it in.

"And present a number of social agenda" despite the possibility that it could be grammatically correct - this should be remade in such a way so that it doesn't raise the question. Laced with interesting political language but I can't get past that it says, overal, "despite our potential, we suck" - that's what I get out of it anyway. Maybe this would appeal to a campus audience more (I did like it better than the last one, though).

Not feeling this one - leaves me with half my face scrunched up.

Sure.

But now that I[ve] opened them I dunno mig - its true that the rhymes are typically simple for a popoular song, but I feel like some of these exist just for the sake of rhyme. What's this one about?

hmm.... I like Final Cut.. hmm.. I'm gonna have to think so more about that but good idea! thanks! -Angie