richa
on you're so romantic by plinkyponk
13 Feb 2004, 9:24 AM
And this is why there is no respected anthology for schizophrenic poetry.
The free association.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Why you don't fall through the floor by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
13 Feb 2004, 9:07 AM
You are wrong, whoever you are. I would not claim to have invented the name "Burgers", only to have helped popularise it.
spunafaNTASTICO ....wild carefree and positively biosterous in its wild abandon and exuberance did it have words i hardly noticed as i bounced along with it...magnificent spunas 'r' us
Excellent Poem!
Love It!
Great Poem!
You can hardly begin to imagine.
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
replying on Why you don't fall through the floor by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
12 Feb 2004, 6:02 PM
Have I not now repaid my debt to society? May I now be permitted to post my humble opinions on the most redoubtable forum known as Poemranker? After all, opinions is what it's all about. isn't it? Yes, it is.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
12 Feb 2004, 4:49 PM
Dear, oh dear, oh dear, John K. Look what has become of you, my lad. Shamed to the point of lunacy by your own work, you have taken to lashing out at my beautiful poemes, staining them again and again with your absurdly malicious embalmings. This is the third oiling you have smear'd upon this piece, and I daresay it will not be the last. Will this tantrum ne'er end?
-5-
yep, this one DEFINITELY makes me feel stupid.
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
Yep, those are the choruses.
cryptic, clever, technically proficient and accomplished. Great
Too many pop cliches
- to you... you do
- crazy in love -
- love is real -
- laidback style - so naff it would appear in a blue song.
Well, Mr Thomas, thank you. But what is wrong with missiles?Surely the preceeding hail and spearing rains are missiles? They certainly feel like it when they pound my body. Perhaps you have a tougher hide. Anyway I am delighted you enjoyed the juxtaposition of the fragrant Audrey Hepburn and Viking gene. But that is women for you. I will check out your verses now.
Third line get rid of just
Spell realitye correctly
And try and make the final four lines make sense.
In terms of a title - find a theme in the poem, or write a startling image. That could be used as the title.
Apart from verses 4 and 6 which are a little lighweight, this really packs a lot of stuff into its lines.
A little long, and the end almost collapses into politikspeak. Good through - the first verse is my favourite.
convincingly conveyed hope.