"I thought about my the rapist." Is there a word missing here? "in this flying hunk of steel." - ehhh... "And still the Rezidence" - I'd drop the 'And'. "the futility of you." - there's a better, more original word that 'you'. "feeling like a stranger in a strange land" - don't say that. Say it originally. "gotten off my ass" - ehhh... "unspoken streets" - more like unspeaking (to Americans anyway) "walked near your job" - are you trying to avoid saying that it was a Starbucks? That's usually the case with that phrasing. Make something up better than job. All good confessional poets do. "And finally the awkward moment of nudity" - that's an awkward moment of transition. "buffoon" - ehhh... "anal" - ditto... Whew! The crazy thing is that I had almost exactly the same experience in France and Germany once, except that it ended so much worse. You have no idea. The thing you did with the first part works in some places but mostly not in others. I don't know if you were trying to follow my suggestion, but I would have been happier I think leaving the lines whole and just breaking them into stanzas, like: I think of you as I would any self-made image: (break) I was sitting there in the international terminal, waiting for my flight to Munich, anticipating our rendezvous, and watching Annie Hall. (break) I seem to have established a fondness for Woody Allen, but I'm thinking I'm too young to appreciate him. (and so on. keep the stanza breaks you have and number or mark them somehow.) The end is really dense-looking still. Is it that you just haven't redone the last half yet? It looks scary. Poetry readers like to see more white on a page than black, I've learned. Anyway, I'm witholding my vote for another revise.

Yeah, I posted over another poem again. This one has rhyme too. They all do.

Sublimely beautiful and evocative. -10-

"My cleverness has turned into a very dill pickle" - confessional in a good way very "beat" could use some tightening in a few places but enjoyable overall

very descriptive, a little cliche in a few spots (but not too bad) i think you might do better to focus on your reaction to the child, rather than simply describing the child if we read the hint of your pain and sadness because you empathize with the child's pain and sadness it just seems like it would impact more, you know?

nice sketch

I'm glad you sent me to this one. I remember seeing it a while ago and being tickled. You've got that ee cummings knack for random assocation (even between weird adjectives and their nouns) in your early posts that I can't approximate. I get the sense it was beaten out of you by months of Rancoring, but I wish you had kept some of it, even if hidden, and it should be a little more hidden. Still, that quality is poetic (ie, what's going on OUT THERE) and a bag of chips. An image like "god-red little footsies" would be welcome in a more structured poem. That's the kind of association that's pulp-making. The start, too, with "Then" is very strong. The change to 'we' in the second, um, sentence is off-putting, along with 'go go go amber glint' which I can't make refer to anything satisfying for me. "TV commercial Faulkner doom"? I hope you know now to use concepts like that in a meaningful and more-or-less grammatically correct way. And then it devolves into similar stream-of-consciousness Joycean crap for a while. I've known one person who liked to read Joyce and I suspect she was lying. Then it comes back. After 'ok, laugh' I'm with you again. In manuscript I see the s-of-c lines broken up a little more and italicized. You could pull them off that way. Maybe it should all be broken up more. At least into stanzas. I'm big on stanzas. Crystalline has 2 ls, then 1. Then it just needs to say about 3 more things than it does. At least, to be pulpwood-style. I'm fine with things that just paint a scene, like this. But the good ones that seem to do that, when you break them open, you find more inside. There's some of that here but a little short of enough. Is that it? Very Beat and cummings, which is its downfall. Hide that a little better and you're ace.

I like it a lot...you have made a pretty picture in my mind that seems to stick...nice work...keep it coming

Other - because it is more a sketch than a poem

The best part of this is when I misread heart as beast '[after I put] my beast into you'

last 4 lines are hard to read, the rest is fine. Certainly a classier poem about poetry.

Plenty of stuff to grab the attention. I would say however that many defenceless animals are very ugly and make unpleasant sounds, why weren't they mentioned?

well written, reads smoothly

Inconceivably shit.