forced rhyme, stilted rhythm, and devoid of a single unique line.

This has "Hallmark" written all over it.

I think this could have been a decent poem if it had been written in a different style. Here, as is, it's just too generic, although it has a decent rhythm to it. typo on curtain. I like "she fights one here alone."

A merciless hunchback of surprise.

If you are truly 13, then this is actually very good for someone of that age. It does need to be cleaned up some. I just skimmed the other comments, so if I repeat anything, oh well. Stanza 1, Line 2: "Your" should be "you're." L3: I cannot see a man as a "maid." Make him someone else. The gardener. The caterer. the friggin butler. anything but maid. :-) Stanza 2, line 4 "breathe" should be "breath." Stanza 3 Line 4 "thats" needs an apostrophe. Stanza 5, line 4..it's awkward the way you went from addressing her as "you" to addressing her as "she." Stanza 6 line 1 "i" should be "I". I'm laughing at "I hope you don't mind, I fired the maid"..that's great, even though I still don't think it should be a male "maid". Other than that, the way you are attempting to show action here is awkward as well. It's not a script for a play, it's a poem, right? You need to fix that.

As a sentiment, it's...nice. As a poem, it's horrid. (Sorry). Definitely too cliche, not exactly well-written, and positively boring.

Nice. I'm consistently impressed by what writing I've seen of yours. In fact, yours are among the best I've seen here (or most anywhere online lol) so far. You ignored my email though :( heh anyway this is awesome. I'd tell you my favorite parts, but I'd be quoting most of this piece back to you.

I'm seconding what Zodiac said. :D

This seems to be going back and forth too much between past and present tense. It could also use some cleaning up (typos and incorrectly spelled words etc.) I like "and before color could reach my cornea" and "before learning to crawl upon tiled floors." Those are the only lines that really stand out to me as 'strong' lines.

You certainly win the prize for the week's most aribtrary line break. The prize is six of the best followed by a trip to Matron's office.

This is cute..okay, there's some humor. Which merits it a 5. I wouldn't do more because frankly the subject matter is just utterly ridiculous. Get on your soapbox now...I can already tell you're the type :-) (I can't believe everyone gave this a 10)

This isn't bad...lyric wise. I mean, i can kinda 'hear' it as a song. As a poem I'd consider it more lacking. Anyway, my only major suggestion to you is to revise your chorus because the line with the phrase "an idea stupid" is quite awkward and way too forced a rhyme.

what goad said still, nice job over all