-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on 3AM At Whitey's by DurtKL
5 Feb 2004, 2:39 PM
Leisure Suit Larry is not a game -- it's a simulation.
well written with good imagery and a touch of humor...I like it.
You HAVE been reading Heaney! This is good. I don't mean it's good because it's Heaney or vice versa. It stands by itself, carries off the influence well, and has some memorable images. My one quibble: I would add something to "the sky touches the brim of my hat" to make the diction a little alien or arresting, so people don't gloss over it, which is what I see happening. As cheesy as it sounds, if you said something like "the sky touches on the brim of my hat" or perhaps even 'to', I think it would work. If you wonder about the 9, it's cause I don't think there's the density of idea and imagery here that you have in some of your others. That's a quibble and a personal thing, but as Shuushin would say, at least I didn't give you a zero.
This is not up to par with the other stuff i've read of yours, but then again, it did accomplish what I see it was meant to, and you did give it your own unique twist. Cute.
The length and formatting of this piece make it rather intimidating to read. Eh, I don't know if intimidating is the right word. It just 'looks' like I would have a real hard time getting through it. But I read it anyway and a lot of the content is brilliant. Very unique and talented piece of writing, other than the aforementioned formatting problem :D I like this a lot though. I think most of the specifics I would have pointed out were already pointed out by zodiac. Otherwise, this is great. I really enjoyed it.
Nice. I like this one.
NanceXToo
on Necromancers Song (Incubus Guitar & Buddhist Drums) by SupremeDreamer
5 Feb 2004, 2:19 PM
This reads well. Love S2. Good imagery. I like it.
ah, my comments would fit right in there with the ones already given. Pretty good, though.
Now that takes me back. Leisure Suit Larry I believe. Readers may like to take this as an indication that -=Dark_Angel=- spent his formative years trying to get a badly a drawn computer game character to cop off with another badly drawn computer game character. In this challenge he eventually succeeds with the unusual aphrodisiac of an apple. Stranger things happen at sea.
lol..oh man. kinda crude to poke fun at the 13 year old's attempt...but that was funny and you've definitely got talent. There's lots of good stuff in here. Thoroughly entertaining.
...and you gained WHAT by pasting that?
not bad..heh funny last line.
spacing makes me a bit screwed up
but then (I was always a bit so)
what does it all mean? I guess I'll have to use your scale of measurement for such things.
yes yes, all of that has been said. But thanks!
what can I say. Love your writing. Another great piece. (Er, can someone tell me just what a "pimple" is? LOL Thanks in advance). zodiac, you'd be great in that workshop i mentioned. Not interested...?
the rhyme scheme is too forced and 'immature.' you expressed your sentiments just fine.
Simplistic, but in a good way. I like this one. "crows" should be "crow's." I'd also throw a period after "...it was not stealing."
cute. can't take it seriously enough to really crit, but it's cute. in its own odd way.
Not bad...pretty well written, but I'd echo Rockmage and Zodiac's sentiments.
This is cute and pretty well written. Entertaining read.