slightly sadomassochistic not too shabby... I was jeez not another child of nature then I was like yay when I read it... kind of made me laugh

I dont think people see your full potenshall? I think this is good 9/10

Love the title lots. The litany of basic color names didn't quite work for me though. If it wasn't fairly similar in structure to something I just wrote, I might like it more (I've been in a "sky" phase).

Other countries wallow in their own pee because they have no "indoor plumbing". Still others, who have "proper receptacles", bathe in pee for entertainment purposes. No irony there, ha!

MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE [X] AABB rhyming scheme [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Clerical errors [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Lower case only [_] Internet shorthand / emoticons [X] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc) [_] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc) [_] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] About drugs [_] About romantic love [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About writing [X] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven) [X] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [X] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel [_] Melodramatic [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Concerns the author's social pastimes [_] Leaving rant [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [X] Smugly-named protagonist [_] Sanctimonious [_] Untitled [_] Gushingly religious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Rage against the machine [_] Self-obsessed -7-

Champion

Cute

You colossal fucking retard. Do you think poetry is some kind of competition to see who can write the most cryptic-sounding nonsense? Poetry is not supposed to sound like Nirvana lyrics. You clearly think that the poeme has a beautiful, revolutionary message deep inside it, and that it is made all the more beautiful because you really have to work and study your unconventional use of language to understand what you meant. You plainly don't even know what the lines in this piece are supposed to mean, just a vague sense that they're beautiful and express the dark abyss of beautiful hatred that is your life. You assjacket. You are between the ages of 13 and 17. You listen to "alternative rock" or "nu metal". You once applied 3 joules to your arm with a safety razor and then told people "sometimes I cut myself" and showed them the "scar". You have a selection of candles and jossticks in your room. They have scents like "waking dreams" and "opium utopia". You once smelled some cannabis smoke, but you never smoked any yourself, or you would be writing about your tedious drug adventures instead. You think you are special and misunderstood, and that one day you'll find someone who understands the dark beauty of the soul like you do. You're a talentless nobody with a corncob for a face. MEDIOCRITY CODE: 04583803 http://www.mycgiserver.com/~prawne/code.jsp?action=decode&thecode=04583803

wow, that's what i thought when i read this...

Sushi is not actually raw fish, it is lightly fried in vinegar. As such, I give you -1- cos the rest of the poem is an affront to my beliefs.

Hey listen i foughted in vietnam. hey listen...goota go nowe