richa
replying on BreakBeat TimeTravel by nentwined
8 Jan 2004, 3:03 AM
Yes actually, I thought the rest of the line beaks worked well.
Any examination beaks down though when one can not get past the first line.
Not a comment on this poem, but what you describe is not a poem it is the manifestation of smugness. The antithesis of poetry.
No; I didn't do a good job. You shut up! Everyone just shut up!!! THIS SITE IS FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Are you rankervilles long lost inner child?
Beware: answering this question might affect your health, with side effects such as diarrhoea, migraines, spontaneous loss of bladder control & brain tumors.
Don-Quixote
replying on Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril) by Don-Quixote
7 Jan 2004, 8:43 PM
soldered? (metal sushi? not sure that fits.. perhaps "melded"?)
4 for the comments 2 for the psuedo-sonnet.
Don-Quixote
replying on Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril) by Don-Quixote
7 Jan 2004, 8:25 PM
er.. missed that.. well, what do you think of the moldered sushi? (ashes.. cremated roadkill?..hrmm.)
no. soldered sushi.
INTRANSIT
replying on Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril) by Don-Quixote
7 Jan 2004, 8:22 PM
something something ashes might be a good replacement. andante is an excellent call.
hee hee heee
DreamerSupreme
replying on Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril) by Don-Quixote
7 Jan 2004, 8:19 PM
Well, let me clear up your drug confusion:
Coke is snorted, and a rail is a long line of coke usually snorted with a straw or a dollar bill. (did that help?)
Ah.. Aladdin.. yes, I know exactly what your saying- Its gone and being reworked. (think adding a parrot would be going too far?)
well, andante, winter, or "slow-season" (yeah, im still experimenting with webster'n friends.)
Everyone has their prefered tools,
but the voodoo rituals are a bit over the top
anything before that is upto a poets mental funpark grinder.
I prefer the airforce JUMBO wrench personally.
First of all, I know very little about drugs, how to "do" them and what the factors are involving such. So some of this poem loses me. But that's my lack of knowledge, not your poem. Moldy crackers should go, I think. Disneys' Aladdin popped into my head. Assuming (andante) is referring to winter, I love it. Had to look up the word though. I love the fleas, wool plaugue, and scarlet clouds. Over all I think it's fine as it sits. neener neener neener.
DreamerSupreme
replying on Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril) by Don-Quixote
7 Jan 2004, 8:03 PM
That means the medication WORKS!! And keep eating your fish for breakfast.
Seeing the light can do lots of things to a man.
Like they say "your only stuck where you are if you think you've been beat down deep in place"
He also wrote erotic stories, in french though. (maybe hes to blame for my poetic quirks? too many options to count.. heh)
Don't worry bout the spelling, really, your talking to the shit-head that mispelled "harlot" among other things. lol.
In a flash our hero launches from his desk chair, trips on the chair leg and falls headlong into the doorjamb!
note: the flash was a camera flash going off as he tries to get out of his chair.
Won't be long before you'll see what they look like processed in the dream lab. (Might even break it into seperate poems and see what that gets me)
Thanks man,
and if you wouldn't mind could you gimme your take on Waitin to inhale?
And if those don't work, beat it with a pipe-wrench, right?
Well I wasn't being cryptic, but if it was of any help, then it did what it was meant to do.