INTRANSIT
on A Kiss by devilishnutcase
7 Jan 2004, 6:49 PM
Leaves? I think you mean LeaDs. (May) my lips...
Compact and honest.
Truthfully, no joke intended. The falling penny is a good image to work with. And there really is a book with that name. and you can use the book AND still mature naturally. And the book is also very down to earth and will accelerate your growth. and and and and...... Or you don't have to. Ta!
shut up all of you, everyone, you did a good job with this, everybody else, shut up
and please lose the acid-trippin. it just doesn't fit.
I hope this is a first draft. Pull a draught and pull in the laces on this new shoe.
Um... Really, I cannot tell if thats actual "advice" or if I'm the core of a joke?
...Really, I wouldn't care for a "Poetry for Dummies" book... Obviously the person(s) who wrote that are way to "artsy fartsy" for me. (or in other terms, "Ego-maniacs") ...I'd prefer to get better "naturally" and not out of a book.
Something about this screams SONNET! There's plenty of material and plenty of great lines. "...white flag still blows" gives me an image of the backsides of crashing waves from the air.
A penny is single, solitary, small, one. An excellent image to work with. Stretch the penny over your poem.
Poetry aint easy kiddo. I'd lend you my copy of "Poetry for dummies", except it is part of me, permanently.
I had it sewn under the skin of my left thigh.
shut the hell up, this is a great poem...it's got a message, it's got a tone, it has everything a great poem needs
pretty good, it's a half-rhyme kinda thing...i like it
I see. Thank you. At least I got some of it correct. Which shows that you are getting closer to your "target".
I believe that wisdom is both dynamic and artistic, however. Unless I have taken your statement incorrectly out of context.
My apologies if I have.
this is awsome, i wish i could give it better than a 10
but the rest of them do?
it's trying to force the examination of breakbeat time vs. breakbeat time travel vs. time travel. ish.
Strikes an all-too-familiar chord in me.
I've read this poem over and over, and every time I get something different out of it. This is one of those instances where I may not fully grasp or clearly understand the full import what is being said â indeed, I may not have the capacity â but the poem is so beautifully crafted that I donât care. Gorgeous.
All aroused? - surely some more creative use of language would better communicate your point.
my thanks.
the middle - well, each of us do things that feed our soul - things that make us feel complete - whole.
we write - my husband hunts.
The first line beak makes no sense to me.
Good, couldn't really get into the first verse, but the second is good. The stench rises/buried alive in dead fish stand out particularly.
'The beach is not environmentally friendly' seems a bit awkward though
LOVED IT RIGHT UP MY STREET