Katzclear
replying on She was supposedly yours... as was I by Katzclear
20 Nov 2003, 1:18 PM
Hey sliver, not much up.. how I WISH he'd get what's coming to him.. I know it will cuz I know this girly he thinks he has is just not going to work... just because of certain circumstances...
I wrote this after having a good time with him and I was making him brownies just about once a week. He left them because he'd forgotten about them and so had I. I'd hidden them as insentive for his "being a good boy"
the poll reference, previously mentioned.
gazing on gaze.
grinding line, if anything specific.
u better keep searching, cause me think this gold is mine:o)
This damn thing won't let me do italics, so please imagine that "This is my rifle, / There are many like it but this one is mine..." and "This is my rifle, this is my gun. / This is for fighting, this is for fun." are both in italics. Thanx guys!
Talk to me , sir S. When I fall short of a dozen, it always makes me ask why.
This is desperate frustration pleasantly and simply delivered - I'm tempted to not like that it might be *too* simple - but it works. how in god's name did you put seven poems up? -8-
Excellent handle :O)
The poem...
"It keeps us human in our minds
And whispers to us sweet reminds" is very nice
"Then would I feel emotion true
Or would emotions grow askew?" is a not so nice (*very*) difficult to pull off questions, especially in first person).
As a lyric is flows along well enough with the usual disclaimers, but i think you might be better served to make the same observations from another perspective and make it a poem.
-7-
sorry to break up the little family dinner table chat, but I think this is where the real talent lies.
sure, the spelling is comical, but with the included excuse it adds to the thing
("never reveal the truth behind the misspelled
meaning").
It wanders a bit though, as if to hear itself wandering - and that can be enjoyable to a certain extent - as long as the mental wanderings aren't an excuse for a lack of structure or meaning.
-8- for the benefit of the doubt.
I don't understand a few parts of it, but I like how flows and how it comes together at the end.
-8-
:o)
yea that all sound kinda right:o)
the feeling is there:o)
OK - Ok - k....
I got the picture bub..Thank you very much
u will never be DA forgiven:o)
cud have done better i feel.
i see a bitter man, as i read between these lines:o( - but i liked it
You know where the problems lie, In the poem. I feel for you bro. I really do.
awfully close to perfect.
goodbye mother...