Mona Lisa
replying on Man & Woman by Mona Lisa
18 Sep 2003, 7:42 AM
Out by 1 syl on line 3 have u any ideas?
as a note, this is part of a "poem a day for 100 days" challenge. so if it's particularly lacking, that could be why. I'm posting the (probably 1/10 as things draw on) few that I think might have a chance at redemption.
thank you. I'm a big fond or parentheticals, and the /'s were "borrowed" from monsiour DeLacroix (they were bright and shiny and I could not resist!)
Almost romantic yet always beautiful. Smooth as the scarf I'm wearing.
Nice to see a continuation of the church theme you write so enigmatically about.
Hard-hitting.
Good this,
Like the '/s' and the brackets, a worthwhile experiment with language.
all dogma and unargued but I quite like this.
Makes you think, has a good pace, better variety of language than usual
Good this, very tight, very snappy. Given a sharp voice
almost irreverent.
creative, very vivid, the ubiquitous 'crashed planes' but also some nice new figures like 'calderas four fingers'
The rhythm flung me all over the place, but here's an 8 anyway.
gets the message accross
Like the logic of this, the play on words, the two different follows
Thank you for the vote and the comment. I'll try to find a little bit of time to attempt to make it flow. Sometime tomorrow I'm sure I'll give it a look over. Thanks for the ideas. They should be useful I see the lack of flow.
Commi, gotta love the left. aye.
Mom? Don't embarass me. Geez.
Ahhh summer lilacs and a mint julep.
Ill wayt for another like this one.
The Third Isis
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum..who cooked the parrot?
The Third Isis
what memories this brought to mind.. atoast to you hot.
The Third Isis
why wonder you are gifted.
The Third Isis