Terence
replying on Paean by Terence
17 Jul 2003, 9:58 AM
You spotted a typo. It's not "paen" - it's "paean".
A paean is a song of praise or gratitude.
like it, especially the first verse. I get searched less than I used to after I shaved my adolescent moustache.
set off an alarm today though, commandeered by some george michael alike security guard (must have been in it for the uniform) I had to laugh
I wasn't talking about this poem in particular.
*tear*
good-8
hey dude, thanks for your constructive criticism, serious, thats helpful. i wrote this listening to eminem music, and i suppose writing in the mood i was in was described precisely in your use of "jumble of raw emotion" cheers . ;)
So what you're saying is more transvestites & less poetry? What shape? Flabby, as in a drapery of cellulite? Oooootay, Terence.
What "n" word, "spic"?
Survivalling on is nice. No, it's right. I'd not edit this anymore as it seems to be sensibly nonsensicle. 9
This is very Yoda-like. I don't think I believe I word of it.
Alright, here's a hint about the pretzel thing: The title refers to "leader" in the first line.
I stand by my previous comment. Also, if foot steps is plural there should be no s on the end of echo. Risking your wrath, might I suggest removing the "of" before "aluminum cans"? Otherwise this is well done and rare at the same time.
9 ifI may.
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
*disappointingly
A good idea disappointly executed