INTRANSIT
replying on Jared Leto & Apocalyptic poetry. by Shardik
25 Apr 2003, 8:07 PM
Aye, the process is worse than the punishment. feel the wallet drain.
Completely true too, may I add. How do I know? Well, I have been arrested a many times, a many. and when you have to sit in court through that many arraignments, pretrials, trial, pleabargains, and oddball prosecuter, public defenders, and judge combinations you learn real quick.
Hilarious. Thanks.
A MEN!!! no I mean A-MEN no really... they're a-men the best. lemmeseee... HERE it is...Dewie Cheatham and Howe. They're the best!
technically, myriad is collective. I think more proper would be plural or (a) myriad. check with your local dictionary, to be sure.
bingo. always read it aloud to yourself or get someone to read it aloud to you. you might feel a little sick but it goes away quickly. And it helps gobs.
this is about inner restraints not love, but still it is a line that i have thought about revising, thx for the input.
"hard race." would be better as 'embrace' because well, what in the fuck does confusion and love have to do with racing. There is no race, that's an illusion better left to children that race themselves.
I had 'myriads' first but changed it. I thought 'myriad' was collective, isn't it?
You are right, I just wrote it; it was one beautiful evening in the mountains of Nepal, there were forms and colours in the clouds ... Maybe, because I'm a painter
How about -
'Yellow fields stretched 'round me' and
'Into this darkness I alight'?
Sliders vs. a sale on menudo cd's. Hmmm. Clean up in isle 666.
You have to be jolly creative to write a poeme about soaring on clouds.
This is awful hard work to read
Some nice images, some surreal images plenty of creative energy
HAHAHAHAHAHA you blocked it out and can't remember anymore? What utter B.S. The reason why you don't know exactly why you wrote this piece is that there is no reason. Or rather the reason isn't anywhere near as dramatic as you'd like to think. You probably just wanted to sound like someone who had been betrayed or something just to sound deep. Even if it is partly based on fact, it's almost certainly far too mundane an experience to be forcibly blocked from your memory because it's too painful. I suggest you write a poeme about a true tragedy - like why your life is so devoid of deepness and emotional complexity. Take me, for instance. I've got loads of emotions. I know loads about pain and betrayal. I've been through shit, man. Shit you wouldn't believe. Even if it landed right on your face. Did you know that sometimes, at night, I hear a strange crying sound coming out just below my nose?
Bravo. A pivital work for you. You are always honest, but the simplicity and directness of language here is a new tool, and you wield it with the quiet assurance of a skilled craftsman. I am so happy for this poem, what a gift to leave the world, an unobstructed view into the inner life. THAT, in my opinion, is the most influencial and potent kind of art. To put these kinds of thoughts and emotions out there adds so much to existence. Anyone who reads this will have a new thread of color running through their personal tapestry. It adds texture and one more layer of flavor to the stew. Bravo.
Great first line.
The path is clear, and easy to follow, beginning to end.
The scene with your grandmother on her hospital bed and you playing what ever role neccesary, there's is so much love there.
I just love this poem.
might I ask why you feel the need to harass this site?
I think myriad(s). I think when you wrote this, you sat down and wrote without thinking, just wrote. and it works. 8 I think the other is better because you put work into it. both are swell.
Lines 2 and 7 seem a wee off beat. but it's quite enjoyable.