richa
on Unrequited Requital by OneFingerAnswer
11 Apr 2003, 10:30 AM
vilanelles are difficult to master
this flows well
No mean feat
and people accuse me of posting thinly.
Sample of line 21: I am no longer chained to you at my wristwatch. Take it one line at a time. Reword them without telling words such as: love, hate, pain,lies. Try not to repeat yourself: lines three and seven say the same thing. Keep trying.
deathly accurate, I presume.
Z is so much better at this type of product, especially this length. I'll print, think and return with some tools for you perhaps. I'm yet a guppy myself.
What a lovely reply. Thank you Ma'm.
I will quit smoking and prepare.
Onyx sunlight
Fights extrovertadly in our chapped cloak.
Does I ignore
Your watery splendor
Freeze up into the emerald desert!
AND SO WITH ON THAT BONE.
Very Humourous, you are a witty man and a 10 would be the mark of a proper gentleman.
Seems to me that you're in Korea often, Rex.
Yes JH you are right of course it was not really required. For a moment I thought you were saying you loved me, oh well never mind. How are you anyway ? If I am ever in California near the napa valley it would be bloody wonderful to meet you and your effervescent sister.
Enjoy your weekends everyone, God Speed!
You should actually give a thanks to the original writers of this piece Martin and dave from Depeche mode.
I enjoyed the opening but detest Marx, he used to scare me as a boy.
",
..................I LOVE YOU !" you can lose this, because the reader already knows, and if they don't by the end they don't deserve to.
"awaken until September" reach September. or, survive the journey.
A typical topical right down the receptacle, "now out the window".
Its one of those to study I think.
I will try and come back one day soon but for now I must retire for my bath.
Sincerety, is a nose wipe on a cold sleeve at the bus stop in third grade.
Quite poignant, I liked the last Stza.
(Does not deserve a 4)
"The loneliness
Thatâs my only companion
And yet
You say
You want them back"
also, or too would be the last word probably 'too'.
then you could say... But that's something you can never have back, or unreturnable. and that would be putting your foot down nicely to conclude the piece.