Ranger
on Fuck the system by which we live by Lucifer
13 Jan 2003, 2:27 AM
Haahaahaa! Funny! Oh, mirth! Here-I don't rank so poorly.
How does a poem imply a wanker? Being brainless.
Also, how can a fluorescent light imply a cabinet? It can't. HA.
Shuffling hobos
Mumble incoherently--
Perhaps they're zombies.
How does the title imply a soup kitchen? Being soupless.
title also implies soup kitchen, i thought
I guess I've never been hungry enough to hallucinate vast chowder.
What's so obscure about it? A PERSON IS VERY HUNGRY. THEY COMPARE THE BIG AND LITTLE DIPPERS TO SOUP LADLES. BUT IN FACT THEY ARE NOT SOUP LADES. THEY ONLY MADE THIS COMPARISON BECAUSE THEY HAD MISSED DINNER. hurrr I understand good
The las two lines have individual potential, but together it's obscure beyond recognition.
I think you should draw up a petition and gather up enough signatures to send along to Nentwhistle. Only then can we get DA off this site once and for all and stop him from hurting everyone's feelings. He has hurt mine so many times I cannot even begin to tell you. Okay, well, just one. It was late at night. I think it was Saturday and I had been drinking a little but not enough to where I was anything more than tipsy. And I had been working on this poem about my dear dead mother for 40 days and 40 nights. I even went out into the desolate dirty sands of Death Valley to conjure her spirit as a muse. You know, Electra complex. But in this case you could call it some form of ghostly...well, you get my point. So, anyway, I finally finished it. And I was so proud I called all my peeps and read it over the phone. It was 4am, mind you, but that was not an issue. THEY understood. And THEY loved it. Every word. I believe I made two peeps cry and that never happens, not in my neighborhood here on the mean streets of Misery. So I finally got up the courage to post it . And no more than two minutes past before that ominous blue 0 appeared. Then another, and another. And then a green one. And then another blue one. It was awful. DA may not vote for real, but he/she is the master of the blue vote. And then he/she left a comment saying my poems had -=aids=- or something and that as it read it made him feel like breaking wind and pooing and eating it!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Oh THE HORROR. I cried. I called the police. SLANDER, I cried. We must stop him. Let's ban together at once. Put the fangs in; dress in black. It is the only way. We must whine, cry, bitch, and moan three times more than we are already doing. It is the only way. The only way.
CONVENE IN THE CHATCAVE FOR AN EMERGENCY DEBRIEFING.
BRING SPARE BRIEFS.
i think he's gone now.
Yeah; the talented ones, the attention whores and the unstable egomaniacs who make absurd threats at you through a chain of people they barely know.
I want pictures.
Sincerity gets you everything. Cannot not say too much about the craft here, but the sentiment is in the right place. It is just trying to find images to go with it. Maybe try to go back in to the lines and think about what you are saying and maybe try to create and image or a metaphor to convey those feelings. But on it's own, it is sweet at best.
Yes, you were drunk. And it shows.
Sounds like a poem written in high school at best. But good try.
Passionate. The last line is what I keep my senses open for; surrounded by pestulence. I weep tears of blood.
"slugabeds" a tray full. Have you seen Almodavar's "talk to her" yet? it is really quite moving. I heard you bricked up Settle in the dungeon of tail chasing..tsk. tsk. Well atleast you attract the obviously talented and gifted ones. lol.Such refined taste with their free versed odes, yawn.
zactly. To the point. Wel written. Up above though? I still believe in it and have faith, but no devotion. Hey Check out may I still my heart or something like that. I think that we both write love well. And many ppl do speak of you. That is one of the first positive things that darky has said. She jests at ppl that are a threat to her. Prepare she will try to twist the blade in your back.